Bad timing

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Bad timing
1
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 12:30pm
There is an attraction between me and a male coworker of mine. We both realize this attraction. On three different occasions one of us has made an attempt to act on our feelings. I've turned him down twice and he turned me down once. Our timing is terrible. At one point I thought he was interested because we had lunch together and we were hitting it off. A month later we were hanging out with other coworkers and he was hitting on a female coworker of ours, who happens to be married. I tried to flirt with him that evening, but he gave me the cold shoulder. I was confused because a few weeks earlier we were on the same wavelength and I thought we were connecting. A time that I turned him down was because we were both so drunk I didn't want anything to happen that we would regret, I don't like those conditions. About a year ago he approached me and we talked for awhile about anything, and after a half hour or so he kissed me. I enjoyed the kiss very much, but I told him it wasn't a good time for me because I was currently dating someone else. I'm sure he was bummed. He invited me out that evening with some other friends. I was too shy to approach him that evening and tell him that I wanted to be with him. I felt like a lost puppy. That evening he ended up flirting with another girl and the evening was quite boring after that. Perhaps he is tired of trying, perhaps I am doing the right thing or maybe not. I am shy and have trouble approaching guys, I don't know what to say. I can't just say to him that I want to have sex with him, that would ruin whatever friendship and coworker relationship we have. Why am I such a wimp?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
In reply to: herman1987
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 1:21pm
First: I may not have all the information (only your post), but it doesn't sound like you have much of a friendship. And, more than likely, if he began dating someone, you might not have any friendship (only coworker status).

Dating a coworker can be tricky and painful if it doesn't work. My suggestion, if you really are interested, is perhaps continue to try the flirting (when his attention is not fixed on other female objects), and invite him to do more casual things (coffee, lunch, drinks after work) to get to know him a little better, smile, and feel him out a little bit. Send him a cute e-card.

You can always say, " You know, I am attracted to you, do you feel the same?". Guys are usually not put off by this question nor do they necessarily feel pressured by this question (because they think it relates directly to sex). If this is too forward for you then just try to compliment him, touch his arm, and continue flirting. But, I believe hanging out with him more and feeling him out may be the best bet. Does he know you are not seeing anyone now (maybe he doesn't know)? My opinion is that guys should make the first move so that you know if he is truly interested or not.

Other suggestion for workplace dating: Keep things on the down low for awhile to see if you will actually 'date'. Can save a lot of hurt feelings, jealousy, as well as potential problems with employer.

Good luck!