Baffled

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Baffled
3
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 11:39pm
Hi. I'm new to the board, but I have a strange situation and was hoping for some feedback.

There's a man I was interested in at the office (we both started a new job with the company a month or so ago). I thought he was interested in me as well--I would catch him looking at me and he would pay attention to me in social situations, etc. The usual signs. I'm usually really accurate at telling when a man is interested, and this guy seemed like a given. So I asked him out--no pressure, just would he like to have a drink with me that weekend (this was a week ago). He said he'd like to, but he had company visiting him from out of town and could we do it next week instead. I said sure, but then this past week he's been acting really strange and awkward around me. Avoiding talking to me, etc. Neither of us has brought up the date invite. I'm okay with the fact that I clearly misread his friendliess and I haven't pursued it any further. I think he's being a bit of a jerk about the thing actually, and I am certainly not interested anymore. But we still have to work together and see each other frequently in meetings (we work at an ad agency and we're working on the same account) and at social networking-type functions and I would rather not have all this weird awkwardness going on. Why is this guy being so strange? It's not like I professed eternal love for him or anything, it was just a stupid date. I know it's always risky to dip your pen in the office ink, and I had considered the fact that things might be awkward if we dated and it didn't work out, but I never thought this weirdness could happen sans date. Anyway, does anyone have any advice about how to get myself out of this? I'd rather this guy didn't flee into the men's room upon seeing me all the time.

Thanks!

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
In reply to: stephaniej77
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:43am
stephanie....how old are you? you have pride? Women dont ask men out even though women have some sense the guy is attractive to them. if you are a very attractive exotic drop dead gorgeous lady then i see why the guy is ignoring your presense. I think the guy probably does not know how to react to a girl who first initates the conversations first and giving hints to catch some drinks at the bar together. He probably doesnt know how to act around girls or maybe he is just very shy.you should never every date a guy from your work place because situations like this will only end up embarassing for you. But only you can tell if he is a total jerk or a guy that is very shy around a beautiful woman like you ( if you are beautiful) just joking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: stephaniej77
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 8:07am
hi...ahem! i m new to this but i'd like to add a few advice...hopefully it wud give some insight me being a 27yr old guy..i think it might help...well...i think the guy is freaked out...if u r good looking...then i think he cant believe u've asked him out...and yeah...its just possible that he has taken the thing seriously....(coz myself i take these things seriously as well)...but i think what u can do is that try to read his personality...if he is an emotional guy...he'd have uncontrolled ways that wud show that he is an emotional person...myself i m extremetly emotional man...and i cant resist giving out my emotions through singing...(hence my signin name is elvis_in_silence)...anyone catching me singing wud understand...guys also have emotions and they also give out that...i think this guy is somewhat emotional...otherwise he wud've been able to handle ur situation straight forward...hmmm! so my suggestion is that instead of trying to talk to him....let him go...and a time will come when he himself will get the message that u werent serious...and then i m 99.9% sure he wud start back acting normally...at that time...give all ur signs that u are just a friend and nothing else...like giving that friendly smile...which has no mystery in it...i think this might help u....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
In reply to: stephaniej77
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:39pm
Thanks elvis. I think you're probably right about him being freaked out--he seems a lot better this week and I've been staying friendly, but not going overboard with it.

As for the other poster, I'm so tired of all this "rules" stuff that says women shouldn't ever ask a man out. Please. I am a confident, assertive, attractive woman and when I want something I go get it--be it a man, a job, or whatever. Any man who can't handle an assertive woman who isn't simply moping around the house waiting for prince charming to ride up on his horse and sweep her off her feet isn't for me. Why have we decided to glorify this passive role for women in initiating relationships? Who says an active, confident woman isn't sexy? I fail to see how the issue is linked to pride. It's the fact that I do have pride in who I am and what I have to offer that I don't need to sit around waiting for some guy to come along and decide he wants to ask me out. Why should men get all the power? Anyway, I've asked men out in the past and have always had good results--this most recent guy just seems to be an aberration, which is what left me confused.