Be friends with my ex, yes or no?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Be friends with my ex, yes or no?
2
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:20pm
The question might have the most obvious answer for anyone else, but I am honestly confused. In summary, over a month ago, the person I am in love with broke up with me. It was a serious and deep relationship, we literally had to break up because he and I have different background and religion, which would have been a problem if the relationship had continued to the next step -marriage-. That makes things very frustrating, because it's not that we don't love each other, it's just that our bond has no future.

The thing is that we agreeded on being friends after the break up, because of course we still care for each other's life and we want to be there for each other. The problem is that, even when we are not in touch that often, I haven't been able to move on in my feelings. My ex, on the other hand, is one of the most mature and reasonable persons I've known, so he is dealing well with our new situation. I know that it would be better and healthier for me to stop being friends with him in order to have REAL closure, but I sincerely love him -the way that one loves really close friends or family!- and I can't see myself ignoring what is going on in his life, wondering if he's doing fine, wondering if he needs my support. So, shall I continue being his friend or not?

I'd appreciate some advice. Thanks so much for "listening".

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:40pm
Postphone being his friend for the time being. It's very rare to go right from being in love with someone to being platonic friends with them. You need a period of no contact where you concentrate on accepting that the two of you are not right for each other, and *reach* that acceptance. Once you are there, THEN you can re-establish a r'ship as friends.

The test: your ex tells you about this great new woman he's met, and you're nothing but happy for him. If you're not there yet, you're not ready to be friends.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:52pm

Hello carmeneu!