being in love with my friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
being in love with my friend
11
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 7:11am
Recently I have posted a post about how I was looking for direction cause I was confused im not sure how to link my post to this so you can see the back story of this new post but the short version is that I need to get over this guy I am in love with so we can be good friends instead of me always taking things wrong way and feeling as though he's leading me on and things like that. Even though the things he says to me I don’t see how im taking it wrong but he always says I do. We have known each other for five years and all this time I have liked him. It took him and I four years to figure out we loved one another, we dated for 6 months until he wanted out cause he didn’t want to talk about things and make it work, we ended things or he did rather in July. We been close every since and to me I feel no difference because I never been without him for all this time. When I mean all this time I mean the five years I have known him its just been us. What I have seen from these replies to my other post is that I need to have closure which I haven't had and if he cant see we are good together and what I bring to a relationship and etc then I must respect myself and stop trying to get back together which is just hurting myself more. He told me the other day he's looking for a girlfriend, I thought I was doing well with just trying to be friends but then he said that and it just all kind of came back. It was like he broke up with me all over again but this time it was more easier to handle then the last. I guess he seriously doesn't want to be with me and I felt like this when we were together at times too. Im not sure how to get over him to the point where I am able to be okay with him having a girlfriend , I know this will take time but im not sure how to go about this, whatever I do I think its working and then something happens which makes it all come back again. I can go on and on writing so much more thoughts and about us but I wont cause I guess basically I know what has to be done im just not sure how to do it and I want to be his friend still and everything we do now its going to change if he gets a girlfriend and even just being friends it'll change and I don’t know just the thought of that hurts and etc. thank you for listening and I hope with this post I hope things that are said will be able to help me like the other post I had up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 8:42am
Good day, First, It is so hard to go back to just being friends after you are in a relationship with someone. It sounds to me, that
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:11pm
hello, thank you for reading and posting to my post. thats what everyone tells me too besides that were going to end up married they also say that hes looking for a friend he can share things with and be close with but not as girlfriend in me. after liking him then loving him for so many years like u said its quite hard to just be fine with being friends and not being able to get past those feelings you had. he might b able to but i cant especially im the one who liked him a lot long then he has liked me lol. especially with the things he says to me and what we do together its hard too. i know he has some growing up to do and his parents have said it as well, his family doesnt understand why we arent together and the friends who did know about me are confused too on why we arent together. basically its just been us for five years, yes we weren't together and i did go on a few dates with some guys but it wasnt anything and thats about all its been is us mostly. so now everything is going to change and it will more so too if he does get a girlfriend. im friends with his sister so shell be talking about him im sure so if i try to get away from contacting him id still have to hear about him and i dont think that would help me. every time i think im doing well something happens which makes me start back to where i was again. we dont even hangout that much so its not like we hang a lot. i want to stay in contact with him but i guess that hasn't worked to help me so maybe i do need time away from him but its just so hard and it hurts. i actually did not talk to him for one or two months and it hurt me more then anything. he didnt try to contact me and i asked y and he said it was cause i said i didn't want to talk to him so he wanted to give me space n id talk to him when i was ready. he said he missed me and he usually says he misses me when i go out to see him, he lives a hour away and its nice to hear but then he says he just misses me like he would any other girl that is his friend and i dont believe that. sometimes i feel he just says things so he dont send me mix signals but its really how he feels. i dont know its just so confusing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 2:53pm
Oh giggles...you care about him too much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 5:22pm

Hi Giggles,


 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 1:44pm
hello and thank you for caring. im waiting for an email back from him to tell me straight out how he sees us in the future. once i get that email im going to make a decision what i want to do but the same time i feel either way i need to break away. but i hang at his house with his sister, he dont live there but its kind of hard for them not to talk about him cause thats his family so i dont know if thats good or not for me but i have a good time there and hanging with his sister and i dont have many friends so its nice to have that. by being at his house i see that its not only me he does this to his own family doesnt know what is up with him n etc y he acts the way he does and etc. i wish i was able to go there when we were together cause then im thinking maybe it would of helped a bit to hear and see that it wasnt and isnt just me and etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 3:34pm

Hi Giggles,


It's good that you are moving foward with your decision making.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 6:11pm

hello. well i told her last night when i was there having dinner i told her how if i do this no contacting thing i dont know if its best for me to b there and so forth cause hes brought up and etc. she understands but at the same time she was saying maybe talking to her will help cause she goes through it with her brother cause thats how he is with her n his family too. which i never knew. i wish i was able to go to his parents house when we were together because i think it would of helped a bit. now i see he treats them like he treats and treated me. i had a blast at his parents house, i see what your saying to not go to her house but still though shell bring him up its hard not to hes a huge part of her life so either way hell be there weather by a photo or his parents or her talking.

well he emailed me back today finally and he had said that he doesnt think there'll be another us in the future because we clash to much on things and its better as friends to deal with it then together. and i said how no we dont and i said how no girl is going to want to deal with what he put me through n etc n i also said friends or not its the same thing. its like he thinks other girls will be different but it wont b different no girl is going to want to deal with what i dealt with i dont even get why i want to deal with it again n so forth. i wish hed talk with me so we can work through things n etc like your suppose to even as friends we dont.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 7:14pm

Giggles,


Hold on - he doesn't want to have a "relationship" with you and you can't change that.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 7:29pm

well she and i are doing dance lessons at her house once a week adn then i guess maybe will just do that there n to hang maybe will go somewhere else. i dont know but i had a blast there n i felt so in with them n etc. it was really nice and i had a blast. anyway i shouldnt have dinner there or go there often cause i dont think itll help me but like u said yea i need to not b there as much but for dancing i kind of have to. she understands to not talk about him the best we can n stuff but its kind of hard. i think maybe talking with her about it might help cause she si right she has gone through the same with him cause thats who he is and so she knows what im saying and etc. so maybe it is good to cry n talk with her about it.

i get mix signals from him so i stay and i feel there is hope and etc i dont know he wrote me that to my question so now i have to back away a bit but like i said i dont even get y i want to b with someone like that if i know how eh treats me n etc even as a friend. i didnt go to counseling today i had to cancel i want to go tomorrow or friday if they have an opening. i tried to not contact him for a month and i thought it was ok but turned out that i wasnt and just got me back to where i was so i guess i need to try two to three months now n see how that goes. i hate that if we are friends i hate that if he does get a girlfriend things will change. he says how he dont want us to change as friends and he wants to just be us without the sex and like thats fine but i care for him deeply i dont get how he can not out of know where but for me i cant get over it fast so i need time to heel and etc. but no girl is going to want to deal with her boyfriend having nick names with some girl and having her stay over his house n etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 4:34am

Do yourself a favor and don't be friends with this guy.

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