Being Straight Forward
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| Tue, 07-31-2007 - 9:17pm |
Yesterday things were going well with my boyfriend and I. We went to the movies, and then went to the park to just chill. He noticed something was bothering me and said I could tell him anything as long as I didn't yell at him. I told him about my court hearing in the morning and my sister and I being out of sorts lately. But then I told him about our relations.
A few weeks ago I started to question whether my feelings and our relationship was mainly based on relations and not time together. I'm not the kind of person who wants just the body, and I've put off my morals of abstinence long enough. I couldn't explain it to him when I first mentioned this several weeks ago. I was unsure because we've been a lot more intimate lately aside from spending time together. My godmother told me that pre-marital sex can taint a relationship, and for a romantic like me, I agree.
So when I told him yesterday, he was almost furious with me. It's not because of him not being able to sleep with me anymore, but how long I took to tell him. My boyfriend dislikes when I say something after the fact, but he also dislikes when I come to him about something I am unsure about too. He said he regret having sex with me on Saturday which we did (aside from going out for dinner and to the movies) for my 20th this weekend. My boyfriend told me he was angry with me because I should've told him this before Saturday, and he was angry with himself because he felt he used me. I didn't make it any better when I admitted at first he made me feel obligated about our relations. He scowled at me saying I should've told me when I asked. To be honest, when he asked me I wasn't anymore. Now he's all upset and ready to never call me again.
I want to be straightforward with him, but sometimes it's so hard. At times I prefer not to make a mountain out of a molehill, so I keep my mouth shut. It's the same with my family, I really wish to confide in them about things, but their reactions do nothing but add insult to injury. I still think I can trust in my man, but how can I judge the situation where there isn't a rift in our relationship?

Since it is your body the responsibility lies with you to let him know your limits. He is justified in feeling out of sorts about this because it came at him out of nowhere.
I know what you mean though about not being able to win either way: you can tell him after the fact or you can come to him before and either way he'll have a negative reaction.
If he doesn't share your views about premarital sex then unfortunately there wont be a relationship.
It is not healthy to keep things bottled up inside. Is there a group at your college (if you go to college) where people your age go and just hang out and talk? Or maybe a school guidance counselor can help. The last thing you want is judgment when you confide and someone invalidating your feelings. Are you close enough with your godmother to go to her?