Being the "wrong" race

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Being the "wrong" race
3
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:03pm
I am saying that sarcastically by the way. Such is the story of my life. I finally meet a man who is around me age, works in my building and who I have known for about two years through work, shares the same values, has a good upbringing, but my family would never accept him. We are both in our early thirties but it pains me to think that starting a love affair with him would only cause problems with my father. He is black...I am white. I went out with him once already(had a fabulous time) and am going out with him again at the end of the week. What do I do? I don't want to hold back on my feelings because my family is soo close-minded and miss out on the opportunity to really connect with a fantastic guy. Relationships and finding someone who you can be compatible with for the "long-term" is hard enough without the added stress of having to please your parents on top of it! Is anyone in this same situation and how did they handle it? I would soooo appreciate any thoughts/opinions on the matter. Thanks soo much
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:08pm
I have dated men of several different races and was seriously involved with an African-American man last year (we have since split up for reasons unrelated to his race). My family wasn't *wild* about that, but they know I'm old enough to make my own decisions and they respect that. If anyone had been opposed to it, that would have been THEIR problem, not mine...it would have made me sad to have less or no contact with them, but I was prepared to do so if necessary.

Basically, I think it comes down to making your own choices in life and not letting your parents influence those choices.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:48pm
This is on going situation in this day and time......

I have a very straight answer for you.....

"it's not always as easy as it feels"

i have been in this situation for yrs.

and i have to beautiful kids as a result from it. i was once asked

by my own race.. why? did i choose a man of a different race,

my answer was simple... at one time i would have thrown my mother

in front of a train for my own race, but my own wasn't

into being good to me and my choice was based on the

"man" that treated me with love and respect,

not his color or his race..i loved him as he loved me.

there have been some good times and some bad times with

our friends,family and just the people that saw us on the street..

stares and glares never just go away. even in the yrs.of 2000.

people will or will NOT accept what you want or like.

my sweet beautiful daughter was pledged with hate by

her own race (my race) for not looking like them, and was

not completely accepted by her father's race, because she

showed a drop of (my race) in her beautiful skin color....

parents of all races have had problems with their kids going

out of their race and bearing children... acceptance has

and WILL always be a problem to different races...

there "is a big" difference... in how you will go about

your life and BLEND IN, there is no avoiding it....

you may not hear it or see it...

but don't think for a minute it's not there....

family only want what is good for you.......

living with it is a PERSONAL CHOICE and who ever in your

life don't accept that choice will not be much

of a part of your life.. how important it is for them

to be around and apart of your life will be what you

will see and live with in your future....

People, friends , and FAMILY want the SAME kind around....

And bringing in a different kind can be uncomfortable..

To everyone involved.

your choice is yours to live with.

take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 12:09am
hey -

i've sorta been in the same situation

check out the interracial and interreligion msg board. they're lots of help