Best friend hates boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Best friend hates boyfriend
3
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 3:14pm

I am having some issues with my friends (well, mainly my best friend) about my boyfriend. Some background information: My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now. We get along GREAT and he treats me really well and everything. Sure we have had our share of little arguements or disagreements like in every relationship, but back in July we had a major arguement that almost broke us up. I made the mistake of sharing every detail of the arguement with my best friend (like I have every other arguement though too) and since then she has stopped liking him. It wouldn't bother me so much, because I don't like half the guys my friends are with either, but when she has get togethers and what not only I am invited, not my boyfriend. And she will say things like she wants me to meet this sweet guy friend of hers or she just has them call me. Usually I just ignore her comments and most of the time I can't go to her little get togethers anyway, but what really got to me is that I told her that I was upset because my boyfriend would not be able to come with me to our friends wedding and she just had to say 'Are you sure he's even invited?' I almost lost it.

I guess I just don't know what to do about this situation. It's making me not want to be around her or even talk to her and it just plainly hurts my feelings. My boyfriend has no idea about all this. I am not a confrontational person so it would be hard to have a face to face with her. I just want to tell her that I am not going to break up with him because of her little games and that she is going to have to accept that we are together. What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 4:58pm

mplsgrl21..

This one is really a no-brainer.....at least as far as Pianoguy is concerned.

In lieu of the fact that your friends want to set you up with somebody else because THEY don't LIKE your current boyfriend...perhaps you need to consider the possibility of finding some new friends???

Of course...they may see sides of your b/f that you refuse to accept or acknowledge? But everybody has his (or her) opinion about something or someone? Doesn't mean you have to take ANY OF 'EM as "gospel?"

Sorry....but you definitely BLEW IT when you shared your "dating stories" with your best friend! Because you automatically assumed that she'd be 'positive about your b/f?'

Point #1: NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT ANYBODY...even the people you "think" you can count on the most?

Point #2: Your situation will eventually develop into a choice between 'the boyfriend' and 'the best friend!' If you had to choose one over the other...where are your feelings the strongest?

Point #3: Loose Lips Sink Ships!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:14pm
I agree with most of your post but do you really think that she shouldnt be able to discuss her relationship issues in realistic detail with her best friend in fear that she will then sour her best friend to her boyfriend forever? I have talked to a few of my close friends about issues I have had while dating and they are not only supportive but they attempt to cut my current bf ( whoever it was in each case) slack or figure out where his head was because they trust me in my orginal choice to date him. The fact is that the OP's best friend doesnt trust the OP's judgement when it comes to men. Otherwise she would be willing to cut the guy slack or try and undertand his side of things inside of any argument that was presented - a friend who trusts the other's judgement would see the situation at face value - two people who had a conflict and are trying to resolve it while seeking support from friends and family. I mean really doesnt that happen in almost every relationship from time to time without forever painting one of the key players in mud?
And if you hesitate in sharing something with your BEST FRIEND about your SO I think that should be a pretty large flag that you arent so sure about your choice of mate now either. It indicates that you dont think they have much of a defense for whatever slip up happened and it also says to me that you dont have much confidence left in their character.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 4:39pm

ichristine74...

While it's impossible for Pianoguy to respond like a woman.....(PG is a mail)....here are a few responses based on your message to me.

Best friends often SUPPORT, CRITICIZE or ARE CAUTIOUS toward a b/f (or g/f). And if either of the last 2 terms apply, do you really think a best friend will "cut the new b/f some slack?" Sometimes "overprotectiveness of a close friend" blots out any rational thought?

A "couple in conflict" will often seek out support from friends and family members...BUT...THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THEY'LL RECEIVE IT!

I honestly got the impression from the tone of the original post that the lady is frustrated by the attitude of her "closest friend?" There was a lot of anger in her words. . And if there's a lot of anger toward someone whom you've been able to share 'plenty of intimate stuff with'---the person who is angry will be forced into making some sort of a choice???

It's wonderful to have SUPPORT from the people you love and trust the most, but there ARE instances when the support won't be there...and the people who seek it will be forced to choose.

Continuing to share intimate stuff and personal feelings with someone who DOESN'T share or appreciate them seems a little foolish, don't you think?

And this is the reason I wrote what I did!

Pianoguy