The best friend who is a woman...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
The best friend who is a woman...
2
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:36pm
So, does anyone out there have one of these??? This person who regardless of how nice she is to your face would go to any lengths to destroy what you have with your boyfriend.

Yeah, I have one of these, only she almost succeeded last week. I have known my boyfriend for 3 years. He was in love with me for a long time, but timing didn't seem right between us until this past summer. We were so happy... And then, out of no where all these problems started to arise. My boyfriend, although perfectly harmless, has a group of friends who are completely dependent upon him. It has been an adjustment to say the least, but he loves being with me and we really do want the same things. He has made a choice to be with me because, for him, breaking up is NOT AN OPTION! GREAT NEWS, right??? Well, she is still working against me and I am so insecure about the whole thing. They have been friends for a long time and she and he has, what I like to call, a relationship without sex. Yup, she has technically been his girlfriend for the past several year. Although my boyfriend had other relationships, none of those woman stood a chance with this one still in the picture. I know he loves me and he is working hard at changing the dynamic of their relationship, but when will the madness STOP???? Any ideas as to how I can deal with this a little better???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 7:25pm
I don't really understand what she is doing to undermine your relationship. Is it just because he is really good friends with her? What do you mean when you say he has friends that are totally dependent on him? Maybe you could describe in more detail what the "madness" that you refer to is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:09pm
Did I read your post correctly? You have a boyfriend...who has a woman friend...and your boyfriend has been dating other women this last year? Or do you mean to say that other women in the past haven't stood a chance because of his best friend. You're saying that this woman friend of his is in the way between you?

This woman was a part of his life before you walked into the picture. So he came with pre-established friends, work and family responsibilities like everyone else. Now you and she don't get on, you feel that she's interfering in your relationship, is that it? Well, it's all on him to show you BOTH who is the priority. Is it her (the friendship that outlasts his romantic relationships) or you?

Can you choose his friends for him? Well, you can try...but I don't know what he'll think about that and if he cares enough about you to put you first in both words and actions. You'll know that he isn't the one for you if he doesn't.