Bewitched,bothered and bewildered-
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| Sun, 11-21-2004 - 7:22pm |
Greetings to all!
I've been responding and trying to give some helpful words of wisdom in advice for
those who have romantic complexities,issues,feelings both positive/negative thoughts.
Hope someone can come to this Brit's question in my current relationship. I've known
P. casually from his restaurant job,I posted of my story of parents passing,meeting
P.during tragedies,him getting to know both myself and family,etc. We've been thru
similar personal tragedies,common interests,backgrounds,closerelations of family,etc..
Began seeing me during mum's terminal illness,thru hours of long phoncons,visiting
each other(chatting on infinite subjects,attractions were definitely apparent,became
more affectionate,lots of kissing,touching,never consummating things. Now he's working
long 10hr days,maitre di in a trendy hotel restaurant,permits us less alone time,his daya
off,he's usually exhausted,spend hours chatting via phonecalls.I'm totally smitten,and
bewitched,bothered,bewildered...as the song goes. Despite his tiring work week how to
inspire him to work a little lesS(NOW AS HE'S GOT SENIORITY)and spend more time with
us. He's never said luv you,but his sentimental,demonstrative actions are very clear
in nonverbal expressions. Am I pushing him away,if I'd like that he wants to spend
more time in person,inlieu of romantic phonechats? Help this very much in love gal.
Thanks
together grew

Hi Bellina, Hope you are doing well, although, sounds like you are frustrated. OK, OK, we are both in similar boats. It sounds like your guy has reservations. Either he is shy and hesitant, or something else. Maybe scared. I really don't know, and couldn't know the reason things are not taking off, as you would like. I guess the thing that I noticed in your post was that you are probably correct in your instinct not to be too forward. You two have something going, so don't rush it. I am not good at these things, so, I don't know, but maybe, when the time *feels* right to you, then you could ask him about your relationship.
Keep the chin up and don't forget some holiday decorations. Personally, I am lame. I think about ways that I want to decorate for the holidays, but really wishing that my guy would be the one to see them. I am pretty silly, aren't I?
Ciao for now!
Pen
Hello Penelope,
Bellina here,thank you for your kindness in replying on my frustration over
my bewitched state of mind where P. is concerned! I'm writing this due to my chronic
insomnia,pain from fibromyagia(an autoimmune illness),causes,migraines,joint pains,
chronic fatigue syndrome,etc. Have developed this since relocating from
Long Island,NY after living in England. Presently reside in arid southwest.Haven't been same,perhaps tis the climate,changein environment,stress,etc.. It helps to take lots of herbal teas,vitamins,opposed to medicinal prescribed meds,given by my rheumotolgist and primary physician. As for your fellow and holiday decorating...I have a super idea. Why don't you dropby his landscape place,be nonchalant and use decorating for outdoors as an excuse to see meet up with him. Perhaps earlier than selecting your holiday tree. We've got Star nursery,illuminated with pretty lawn ornaments(like lit Christmas reindeer,
angels,sleighs,caroleers,musical themes,etc). I know,you're a trifle shy,but be
discreet if you see him,say you're getting in the holiday mood..came to ask
for some new decorating ideas! I'm a bit blue,especially now as mum and dad,
loved Christmas,and would go all out with elaborate decorations,icicle lights,moving
marionettes(for bay windows,like that in rockefellar center,and 5th Ave,store
windows)santa with homemade sleigh,lit reindeers,get teary eyed as I recall this.Mum would luv to make her crocheted angels,needlepoint and sequined felt tree skirts..wonderful memories. Sadly this year is my 1stwithout them,not of decor,no tree,just cause my family is still grieving..Anyway,definite to have nativity and mums lovely angels, religious significance..Church etc..Perhaps I'll get the gumption to ask
P.to join me in attending midnight mass! Well did bring up Thanksgiving to P. via
phoncall,said he'd be at his sisters and visit ill mum(in nursing home),before
I'd be bold and invite him for desserts.Thought it'd be more casual than sitting down
with family to our multicourse Turkey feast.Have Italian and Brit traditions
antipasto first,preceded with turkey,veggies,chestnut/sausage/cranberry stuffing,plum pudding,yams,pumpkin and homemade pies,trifle.He's Irish and told him of above
saying,how do you keep slim?Replied thanks,willpower,in little trimmings,lesscarbs,but
weakness for delectable sweets.He said like you,felt a bit of blush to my face,like a schoolgirl.This was all in chats via cells,not face to face.Well Pen,sorry to be going on..have a nice Thanksgiving!
Hi Bellina,
Sorry about the nostalgia and first year of having to be without your parents. That is hard. I am sorry. Holidays can be hard in that way, but sometimes also a way to bring people togtether.
I am thinking of going to check out some xmas decorations early, even tho I said to my friend, "see you in Dec."...hmmm. Just don't want to seem to desperate. See, that is my problem. I think I am being too removed and not letting him know that I'm interested, but then I think I should be more forward and at least give him a hint that I like him but then I feel like I am coming on too strong and being foolish, cause of course he knows that I like him. So, I dont even know how I come across. All I know is, I get so scared just going in there, like I have to have my reason for going in all planned way in advance.
Anyway...I hope you get to see you friend over the holiday. Sound like you are kind of frustrated, but that could be my interpretation.
Don't eat too much pie!
Pen
Hello Penelope,
Bellina here! Thanks again for cheering my meloncholy state,and your absolutely
right re: decorating.Perhaps I'll place a small holiday ceramic tree(one mum made,in her tribute as well as one of dad's santa collections).Not the enormous tree all would
trim together,sing carols,have eggnog,spiced cidar,again memories flood in,but it's
comforting to chat about this,smiling inlieu of tears.Thanks for changing
my emotions of sadness to pleasantry,my parents would so like this for me. Now for
you feeling to bold in asking the charmant gentleman for decor ideas,I too have
gotten cold feet re:P.and letting him know my feelings run deeper than "friends".
Old fashioned,and still like abit of chivalry,prefer P.be the first to declare such
sentiments aloud. It's my European ways,used to men,definitely more
assertive and not afraid to verbally express loving feelings.Also have less inhibitions
on fears of rejection by gals. I'm a romantic,and blame the artist in me as I paint,seeing love in many aspects,nature,landscapes,countryside,seashores,
deserts,beautiful animals,cats,birds,tigers,leopards,paint children,celebrities,flowers.
I fall in love sometimes too quickly,as I see the beauty in men,not just their handsomeness but intellects,wit and a fool for charmers.In this I've gotten many
broken hearts.Tis better now to fall for quiet,sensitive and caring fellow,a bit
shy,not my previous choices of casanovas in the past.I think your mutual liking each
other,being both shy is a plus,having common demeanors.Believe that in time,seeing
him the shyness between you will lessen,and you'll in turn be together.I truly
believe in fate,your going to be surprised in a good way!Aurevoir,regards Bellina
Terry,
Thank you for your insightful relationship lessons as to how to better
communicate one's feelings more openly. Whether the couples expectations are headed toward a long-term type as opposed to casual friends for what seems like an infinite
amount of time. I strongly agree with you to gather my courage up in our next "in
person meeting" to ask where he sees our friendship going.I differ with your assuming
he doesn't feel tired to see me after his shift ends,after 11 PM.He's also told me
of health concerns,as this past weekend I learned of worries over,doctor's sugg. a
biopsy(detected a lump,rather painful,can't share this),in case he reads this
online,know he's fond of self help websites,too).He has really been there for
me when mum was ill inhospitol with cancer.Later lost battle,P.was very attentive,
phonecalls,sitting with me(several times,I poored my soul to him,we're dating
once weekly for a month.)This was even though I had to spend many days,nights
at hospitol(as mum was diagnosed terminal,hooked to respirators,dialysis,tubes,being
closeknit,sis and I were with her 1/2 days...etc,Also lost dear dad only 2 months
earlier to cancer,this year has been waring physically(I have chronic fatigue
thryoid illness,neglecting myself).P.knew my family,as I posted casually thru
the course of six months we frequented his restaurant,always waited on us,and
had a repor with dad too,p.told him jokes,shared family similarites/backgrounds and
had much in common.(I didn't see P. until several months later,after losing
dad,and during mums struggle with cancer. All I can say is,despite our long time
in knowing one another,first casual,seemed more of a romantic attraction between
us during mum's illness.Long chats about our families,mutual interests,job choices,
goals,numerous topics we'd say the samething at the same time,a sort of mental
telepathy,comfort was there.He'd call me crazy hours,just to ask for advise re:a
co'worker dispute,decorating notion(i'm an interior designer),relative news and
advise,etc.,discuss friends.Plus when we were finally together our chemistry just
seemed right,in affections, not yet too intimate.I believe should come in time,as
I've leaped to fast,due to physical passions,without becoming friends..I did
let him know this a bit,but never verbally,and he respected my wishes.
Should I do so after only dating a short time,as opposed to being friends over
many months?Don't want to lose this special person,who's been there thru my
absolute worst tragic times.Please help on this matter,despite your 6 step
relationship guideline(which is very insightful and will try to apply to a
hopeful future love connection).Thanks a million for words of wisdom,to
my bewitched,bothered,bewildered state of mind! Bellina..