Beyond friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Beyond friends?
1
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:55pm

Hi all,

I need a female point of view on this.

There's this girl I like now. I met her in college. We were friends then and I never did anything because I was shy.
Once I graduated, I lost contact with her. I'm lousy at keeping in contact with peeps.
A few years ago I bumped into her at my workplace.
Turns out she started working in another dept.
A part of me still wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with her
but I guess I didn't feel anything yet.

Something happened this past May. I saw her again and I was like "Wow she is pretty and I dig her personality, how come I don't pursue?" So I decided to get to know her better rather then being friends. We met up a bunch of times. Events such as lunch, movie, dinner, concert. Now the question is: ARE THESE DATES?
I feel there is a vibe and she doesn't react negatively to my flirtacious remarks.

There is a certain problem in this situation. I'm already friendzoned and seeking to bring it to the next level. But how do you do that without damaging the friendship?
The thought occurred to me where I felt I should hold her hand or kiss her but I haven't. Its quite ironic. I usually preach that if you like a girl, you should always let her know immediately. And here I am feeling like a schoolboy pussyfooting around about my feelings.

Girls are usually keen on knowing if a guy likes them or not. I'm sure she knows.

Here is what I broadcasted:
1) I got her a small disney keychain, interofficed it to her. She puts that on her bag now.
2) I pay more attention to her then I did in the past. Txt msg, email or call her occasionally.
3) I ask for pics of her when she tells me of pics she takes.
4) I'm way more flirtatious with my comments when i talk to her.
5) I got her a christmas present.

All this stuff above does not correlate with how I was before where I didn't seem interested. I think its pretty obvious.

Problem is how to elevate this to the next level?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: josephwon
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 2:04pm

If I were this girl I'd be wanting to smack you over the head by now! :)

Here's my suggestion: Plan this out two or so weeks before. Ask her if she'd like to go to dinner. If yes, pick her up in your car at a designated time. Take her to a very nice restaurant that you've made reservations at. You don't have to break the bank but something quiet, dark, private-like. No family places with little children running around and no staff singing Happy Birthday to anyone. That sort of place. The point is to make this a DATE, not two buddies hanging out.

Get yourselves each a nice glass of wine. Ask her questions about herself. We love to talk about ourselves.

Upon dropping her off, give her a hug and see how she responds. Maybe try in for a kiss, either on the cheek or on the mouth. Don't be forceful though. Try to read her as you go.

If you do all this, you'll have a good idea of how she's feeling. My guess is, though, she is interested, she's just wondering when you're going to make that move.