BF of 1yr invited to a wedding im not

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
BF of 1yr invited to a wedding im not
14
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 10:14am
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now and he was recently invited to a wedding from an old friend of his. he talks to this friend on a regular basis but i have never met them. His friend is getting married and my name was not on the invitation and he has not asked me to accompany him. I cant figure out why he hasnt asked me to go... I saw the wedding invitation and the couple obviously doesnt have issues over money or the number of guests to invite so that cant be the reason. how can i politely ask him why he doesnt want me to go without it coming off wrong? and any thoughts on why he wouldnt want me to go?? I think some of the bachelors friends are planning a party at a strip club which i dont want my boyfriend to go to--is that wrong also of me to ask him not to go to the bachelor party? I know my boyfriend would not cheat on me but at this particular club the girls get very touchy feely with the men. help!!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 10:28am
Did the invitation say + guest??? Or was it simply addressed to him?

If it was just addressed to him, he didn't ask you because he's not able to bring a guest. If it said + guest and he's still not asking then I would bring it up.

Regardless if YOU think that they have enough money to invite you, they may not, and they are choosing those they HAVE to invite over those that are just bf/gf of guests. It's not your say sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 10:55am
I agree with Sweet Karma on this and would strongly suggest you get more FACTS before blowing an emotional gasket on this one.

- When did your BF receive the invitation? Has it only been a few days?

- When is the wedding? Is it a few weeks/months away?

- As Sweet Karma asked, did the invitation specifically say BF + Guest or did it specifically have your name on it?

- You THINK they are planning a Bachelor Party at a strip club - do you know this is happening as a FACT?

I think you have NO RIGHT at all to tell your BF not to go to a Bachelor Party, regardless of the location, including a strip club. You can ASK him if he would take a "look but don't touch" attitude while there - that would be a fair request.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 10:57am
If your name is not on the invitation, then your bf can't "invite" you. That is up to the bride and groom. It would be a huge breach of etiquette and rude of him to do so, so you need to just let go of the idea of going. The bride and groom get to invite who they want to, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with money. They may simply have decided that they would only invite couples who were married or engaged, for example. It is totally their perogative.

As for the strip club, it's not "wrong" of you to ask him not to go, but he may want to go anyway. In that case, it will be up to you to decide whether you can accept that he may have different views of strip clubs than you do.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:32pm
the invite only had his name on the front and nothing on the inside envelope. there was a reply card for you to specify whom your brining. but he said hes not sending it in-they know hes coming. and the wedding is less than a week away and he just got the invite.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:38pm
I know for a fact there is a party at a strip club and your right-it is not fair for me to ask him to not go. But I think I will tell him how I feel and if he goes anyway-then i will have to do some serious rational thinking on my part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:49pm
One other relevant question for you:

- Do you know the couple very well and do they consider you to be part of their close group of friends?

If your answer is NO then that is the most likely reason for your name to be excluded from the invitation.

My niece got married a month ago. They had a very small family and best friends only wedding and dinner with 40 people. 43 people showed up (3 uninvited) and it did cause some problems with seating and meal preparations.

After the formal dinner they had a dance reception where 200 people attended. It was their way of controlling costs while having the intimate ceremony and dinner they wanted.

These people getting married may have similar desires to keep this close and intimate. It is your obligation to respect that rather than getting all pissy that you aren't being invited.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:13pm
Yup sorry he can't take a guest. If he was able to it would say + Guest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:19pm
Don't sweat it. He probably want to go to strip club and drink some beers. You're better off dropping this one. Plan some else to do for that weekend. Do something fun on your own. You will make a much bigger statement if you don't mention this wedding thing with him anymore. Don't worry about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:48pm
It seems to me you are feeling left out. If I were dating a guy for over a year, and he was invited to attend an event or party and did not invite me, I'd feel left out too.

If you think you have gathered enough information about the wedding and the bachelor party, I suggest telling him how you feel about the whole situation. You don't have to ask or demand anything of him, just state your feelings and concerns. Use plenty of "I" statements to reduce the possibility of him feeling like he's being accused of anything.

Bottom line... honor your feelings. It is ABSOLUTELY okay to feel "pissy" over this, etiquette or no etiquette.

Express yourself, and at the same time, don't expect anything to change. He still may go to the wedding without you. There may still be a bachelor party at a strip club. If that is the case, you decide what your next step will be, like possibly evaluating your relationship, and doing something fun and nurturing just for you while forgetting about the couple and their "etiquette."

A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 6:37am
He can't invite her, he wasn't able to bring a guest, the invitation was just for him, not +1.

Pages