bf addicted to online dating sites

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
bf addicted to online dating sites
7
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 12:12am
hi, my bf and i have been goin out for 9 months.. for the past 3 months, we haven't been in good terms...i found out that he has been going to these online dating sites and even gives his tel. no, flirts with them and even met on one occassion...i knew this because i happen to see his e-mails on his computer, and at one time referred to me as his EX when the topic turned to relationships...i confronted him a few times about this and everytime, he says he has this need to go and see more women as he had not dated women in his teenage and early adulthood.. he said he just need this to get out of his system...at the same time does not want me to go and would wants me to be there.. i have met his brothers and sister in laws, (no more parents) and so far i've gotten along well them..

my question is, is this whats really on his mind?? if he is not serious abt me, then why would he even bother having me meet his famiy and friends when they visit?? i know he's online almost all the time on 2 dating sites .. my concern is that, what if he finds someone better than me on those sites and i told him that and he says, he does not know what can happen in the future...i needed stability in a relationship and this guy cant give me this, but is this enough reason to give him up?? or is he going through a certain phase in his life??

pls help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 4:44am
Okay....the guy is basically doing this in front of your face--right?? You know he's doing it and called him on it and his reply is "need to get it out of my system"???? Honey, he is a cheater and you are allowing it and NO he will not change because he knows (by you staying) that he can have his cake and eat it to! And if he is doing this in front of your face--just imagine what he is doing behind your back! Dump the jerk-the sooner the better--don't you deserve better then this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:49am
You said it yourself.....I need stability, this guy can't give it to me. Yes, you should let go of a relationship if it cannot fulfill your needs.

Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:10am
This is not the right guy for you. Period. Sometimes you just have to accept facts (such as behavior) without knowing all the "whys" and "why nots." We can't ever glimpse into another person's mind or heart -- their actions are all we have to go by. Make your choices accordingly. If his behavior is not what you want in a long-term relationship, keep looking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:26am
Hello eunice!
Welcome to Ask the Dating Doyenne!!
(wow! I had an aunt named Eunice... not that common a name anymore...)

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:57pm
hi tg,

thanks for your reply! my bf and i dont live together but he picks me up on thurs or fri till the weekends to stay with him and do things ..this has always been the case since the day we met and i remember him mentioning just recently that we have to slow down because the relationship went to a blast since the start, and he wasnt looking fo it... the routine for the past 9 months have been this.. we also went on trips, and this july 2-5, we're off to vegas.. he drinks alcohol on weekends, by himself (he doesnt have friends in this town even after moving here 3 yrs ago) and is addicted to online auction sites as well, thats what he do aside from online dating...savings wise, he just have something to get by even though he earns good money...this is one of our arguments as well, but my main concern is his womanizing online...he said commitment is like marriage, and right now, he wants to slow down...

i happen to see his e-mails on occassions like when he leaves it on to get something or just simply forgets to turn it off...and i know for sure that he's been almost always on these dating sites as these sites tell you when the person has just been there for the last hour or so..i hate checking these sites and see if he has gone to them, but i can not find answers to why he wants to do it.. he just was probably bored in us!

i am supposed to leave the country this 1st week for a month, but he wanted me to stay just bec his brother and sis in law from new orleans are visiting...so i moved my flight this 12th...in my mind, is this worth doin at all??

starting a relationship is time consuming and much as i like to stick with the guy, his action seems like he is pushing me away.. looking for women online is a big jab to me esp. when im right there in his house.. we have tried talking to this and he said he tried to hide it from me but now i know, he cant do anything abt it, yet he still continues..

im disappointed by this guy and pls help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 2:46pm
Well... I look at it this way... how can he make a commitment to you if he can't even make one to himself...?

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:38pm
Excellent response!

Lilypie Baby Days