bf goes out without me, advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
bf goes out without me, advice?
3
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 8:29am

Hi everyone,

I just have a quick question to ask, and I need some constructive input on how to approach this. Many of you are familiar with my situation with my boyfriend, with whom I broke up a few times and we had lots of issues (including communication), which are solved now. However, I have heard a lot of comments that he is not right for me etc, but we have worked past our problems and talked about the issues that led to our breakups and we are going strong now and have been together almost 2 years, so please, I only need advice on how to solve this situation, and I would really appreciate it.

Here is the thing: my boyfriend does not go out very often at all, maybe once in 2 weeks as most weekends he spends with me and at his certification class. I go out far more often than he does, sometimes several times a week. However, it bothers me that he never takes me with him when he goes out with his friends. It hasn’t really bothered me before, maybe because he doesn’t go out often at all, but now it does, especially since I have been spending a lot of time at his apartment in the city (staying several days at a time).
For example, a few weeks ago he went out with his friends, I went with mine and that was that. I did express my concern that I want to be included sometimes when he goes out, of course not every time when it is guys’ night out. And he said he understands my concern. He has not gone out since. I am just going to wait and see what happens next time he goes out. I guess I don’t have a question, just need to know if anyone has had any experience with this and how they dealt with it. I know my boyfriend spends far more time with me than anyone else in his life, but sometimes I would trade up a weekend with him, if we would go out as a couple and his friends (or mine) on one night. I know my boyfriend is 100% committed to me and has no problem with people knowing we are together, so it isn’t like he goes to pick up women with his friends (most of whom are married anyway). Any advice? Thank you so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 8:37am
Rather than tagging along on a night he wants to go out with his friends, why not suggest on a night the two of you are planning on being alone together that you call up some friends and make it a double/triple date? That way, he can have his space (which is healthy) and you can meet some of each other's friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 4:06pm
Instead of waiting to be invited along, why don't YOU plan an evening where it's all couples that way you get your "couples" things, I don't know too many single guys that want to hang out with a couple.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 11:15pm

I don't know what your other issues are. If he's been unfaithful in the past, then his going out and not inviting you could be a problem.

If your past problems were other issues most couples deal with (money, choosing where to live, meddling parents, etc), then you really needn't worry if he wants a night out with the guys. You seem to be a bit protective of him and you "don't want any advice" based on your past experiences with him. This tells me you don't want to be concerned with his socializing without you. Soooo, if you don't want to be concerned with his socializing without you, then don't be. Simply choose not to dwell on his whereabouts when he's out with his friends.

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