BF lied about everything,draining my $$

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
BF lied about everything,draining my $$
3
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 8:07pm
My boyfriend of 3 years and I just broke up. I asked him to pack up the things he'd need daily and leave his key.

We'd been living together for juat about a year. He's gotten very depressed, hasn't been going to work, not helping me with bills, hiding money, etc. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was taught when things get tough, you just don't leave your relationship when things get rough, but I've tried everything I know how to help him, support him, get him to a therapist, taking care of writing bills, but he's lied to me about everything.

He hid a check from me, wrote me bad checks and I don't think he'd purposely try to hurt me, I just think he's lost in life. I've never been alone in my adult life, I went from one 3 1/2 year relationship to this 3 year relationship, and I'm 26 now and alone. My lease is up in 2 months, I can't afford to stay in this place alone anymore, he's left me in financial trouble, through no fault of my own or my lack of hard work I feel and I resent him for that. I just don't know how to shut off the "enabler or mother" in me and just not care what happens to him. He's written his therapist 2 bad checks for copays and he's lost his job I just found out. I think he quit, but now he's living at home with his parents who aren't supportive and probably have no idea what's going on with him. I was thinking of writing them a letter and just letting them know what kind of serious situation this is with him, but we haven't talked in 2 1/2 years (his parents don't like me). He is a habitual liar.

I don't know where to draw the line. I will not let anyone drag me down to a depressed, stressed life that I started to see in me again when he was doing all this to himself and to me. I can't turn off the love, will it get easier? I want him to come back to me, but as a responsible man. He's got such a good heart, but I think he's seriously lost.

I appreciate the time taken to read this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 9:31pm
Dump him and move on. Do not write a letter to his parents. Forget about it and move on . Start concentrating on yourself, do things for yourself. Mother yourself, not some guy who's taking advantage of you.

And next time, find a man. A real man, not a boy. A real man not only takes care of himself but his family and loved ones too. You need to seriously raise your standards and take better care of yourself.

Tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:35pm
...and cancel all your credit cards, change your bank accounts, cancel anything that had his name on it!!! If this guy is a chronic liar and cheat (bad cheques!), you need to protect yourself immediately. He can really screw up your life, even from a distance. After being with you 3 years, he will know where the money is.

Congratulations for giving him the boot. Now get out there with your buds and have an ADULT good time!

Good luck!

amjay45

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 6:49pm
Thank you for the advice amjay and Tom. I greatly appreciate it. I just found out he quit his job and wrote his therapist two bad checks. It seems that he's more comfortable being miserable, but not me.

One thing I'm having a problem with as well is that we both go to the same church. He just started going and so did I. I don't want someone to keep me from going to church, so should I just go and if he says hi, just say hi and leave it at that? He should be uncomfortable, not me right?

Luckily, I don't have any credit cards, I changed my PIN number for my atm and checking account and he doesn't know anything about how to get in my savings. With him being at home now, and being out of work, he's not going to be able to even get therapy. Horrible horrible choice to quit his job. Horrible.

I just had a life changing surgery and I view that as a new beginning to my life. I have changed what I accept from people and am more loving to those who treat me lovingly. I do need some time alone to get my stuff straight and then eventually, way down the road, can in fact find a real man who wants responsibility and wants to take care of his woman! :)