Bf not here/Is it OK to do this?
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| Mon, 08-15-2005 - 4:35pm |
Is it OKAY to go out for a movie with a guy friend, just the two of us.
Have you all done it? Is it normal?
Bf lives in another state.
I have two very nice guy friends. Both are purely friends. Both decent people. But, I had briefly dated ONE of these friends in the past and I had broken it off and we remained friends. Bf knows about this friend, and is OK with our friendship. This friend who I had dated before does not have a girlfriend. The OTHER friend has a gf but he wont be bringing her with him because they are going through some tough times, and she said she needed space to think.
Do I have to first ASK my bf whether I can do this? Or should I just go ahead and do it?
Or tell him and wait for his reaction? And if he seems uncomfortable, I should not do it?
I would like to have company, and am wondering what the general ethic is, in such a situation.
thank you so much.

I have to say, I'm a little confused by your post! Of course it's ok to go to the movies with a friend, why wouldn't it be???
Would you "ask permission" if it were a female friend?
I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this...unless there's something you're not telling us?
Sheri
oh no...i have told everything. if it were a female friend, i would do it in a blink.
it's reassuring to know that this is no big deal.
a long time ago when me and bf started dating, he had once mentioned that he wouldn't think of going to the movies alone with a female friend. this made me think that perhaps it's not the "done" thing. not a normal thing to do. why would he say that? does he think that sitting beside someone of the opp. sex in a dark movie hall creates this intimate experience?
Well, what about just bringing it up in conversation. When movies are being talked about just I do want to see X movie, I was thinking of asking Joe if he wanted to go. Casual and you'll get to see his reaction.
I do not agree with asking if you can go to the movies with someone else. I do though, think there is a difference between a boyfriend that you're dating, and a girl friend and I think respect for your bf's feelings should be considered.
Jenn
Hmmm...IMO that's a weird comment for him to make. I mean, if she's a friend, she's a *friend*, whether they are at a baseball game or at a movie.
If you think it might be a problem for him, then you might want to talk it out with him and see if he has a problem with you having male friends.
Sheri
I won't tell you what to do here, you have to do what is right for you. But, just FYI, the way I handle my boyfriends when it comes to my guy friends (of which I have many) I say this when we first start dating.
"I have a bunch of guy friends, their names are Mike, Terry and Charles. I have known them for many many years and I think you will love them when you meet them. We do lots of stuff together and I am very happy they are in my life. I have never dated any of them and I am not interested in dating them."
This way I lay my cards on the table and make it clear my guy friends aren't going anywhere regardless of who I am dating. I've had some mumbling afterwards from possessive boyfriends but I have never backed away from my friends.
For my two cents, I would mention it to your bf, get his reaction and discuss it. If he is uncomfortable ask him if it would make him feel better if you went with Joe and Susie or Joe and Harry. I don't think it's so much the movie experience in the dark that would upset him so much as the dinner before, the drinks after, the time this other man gets to spend with you that he can't at the moment and one movie leads to another .... Guys can get just as many irrational feelings as girls and they also get just as insecure ...
I think the statement he made about he wouldn't do it defines his boundaries and comfort zone. I think it should be respected and considered, but it doesn't have to be yours. Respect, honesty and compromise.
Have fun at the movies who ever you go with!
Thanks for ur thoughts..
One of the guys happens to be someone I dated, so perhaps that would additionally make him insecure. But I perhaps need to let him know again (even though he knows)that I do not intend to date him and this friend knows that. I do believe that friends are friends, and compromising on time together is really not a good thing to do.
Oh, and he hasn't met these friends of mine. He is not very comfortable meeting the guy I dated. And I will soon introduce him to my other friend so bf knows he is a nice person.
Once he gets to know the guy friends I think he should become more comfortable and open.
Thanks again..