bf went to strip club

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
bf went to strip club
2
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 12:54pm
I am having a hard time getting out of a bad relationship, and I keep putting up with a lot of crap from a boyfriend because I cannot handle him not being in my life. We have been together for five years and it is hard to let go. So I need advice about a problem we had the other night. We do not live together but I am always over and I spend the night most nights. I came in tuesday night and his cell phone was off, so that got my attention because he always leaves it on the end table and I have never known the phone EVER to be off. So I turn it back on because he does not have call waiting and if I can not get through on the house phone I always call the cell so he knows to call me right back, but he snatches the phone out of my hand and yells at me to leave it off(later I find out that it was because he did not want it to ring)so right away I knew something was wrong. So the next morning I come in he was just waking up he hurriedly gathers his stuff including some mail and his wallet and cell phone and goes and hides it in a desk drawer, so I wait till he goes in the bathroom and I get the cell phone and there was a number on there that he dailed at 4:03am. Instead of writing the number down to call it later to see who it went to I rush in the bathroom to confront him. He again starts screaming at me and takes his phone away erases the number and tells me that he must have accidently dialed it in his sleep(the phone was right next to him while he was asleep). But all day he keep his phone hidden. After I would not drop the subject he finally confested that he sometimes at night cannot sleep and he will go the casinos or to strip clubs and there was nothing wrong with it, he said he spent most of the night talking to a particular stripper that she was hot, and it was her number he was just testing the waters to see if she wanted to have a threesome, something that we always agreed that we would never do. But he insists that he did not cheat, but to me anytime that you spend one on one time with anyone like that it is cheating. What do you guys think? Please I need advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:30pm
I'd certainly say he's cheating or trying to. Here's what an honest man might have done. He might have asked his girlfriend with no pressure if she might be interested in activities such as threesomes. Then if she was, he would have involved her in the process, and at no point ever done anything secretive behind her back.

Your boyfriend on the other hand is hiding things from you and then yelling at you when you discover his deception. If he's talking to other women and hiding it, it's most likely because he's got someone on the side or is actively trying to. If he was really trying to set up a threesome that you'd previously agreed to, then why would he have yelled at you, erased the number, and lied to you about what he was doing? Why under those circumstances would he need to keep the phone with him?

This whole situation reeks and the yelling and lying alone is reason enough to break things off, even if he weren't most likely cheating on you too. If you don't break things off, then at least I'd hope you're using condoms with him. No telling when or if he might end up infected with an STD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:50pm
Walk away from this loser. I know that it's hard, because you are afraid of having to start over. But honestly, it will be easier when you're not investing all the time on HIM and start investing it on someone who is worth it. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be able to trust your partner. He's not a decent guy, he's a jerk. You need to accept that to be able to move on. You are worth more, but by being with this guy, you're telling yourself that you're not.

Do you still want to be in this situation 5 yrs from now with 2 kids?

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