Big decisions... I need guidance
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| Fri, 12-01-2006 - 9:11pm |
Well, well well. In brief:
I have just returned from 3 months travelling around Asia with my gfriend. Three weeks before I left,
I got together with my best male friend, and was totally smitten. I missed him terribly for the first 2 weeks and even thought I loved him. Big step!
Then in Thailand I was getting some flirtation from this guy who's a lot older than me, to cut a long story short, he kissed me, I let him. Yup, little me cheated... Guy in question is Australian and keeps on contacting me saying he's never connected with anyone like me, etc, wants me to have Christmas dinner with his family, etc!
Now I'm extremely cynical and under no illusion that Aussie guy is 'the one' or anything; I think the hormones in the tropics got to me. But that must say something about my relationship with my boyfriend, surely! When I finished my trip, I wasn't ready to come home, and almost extended it but felt I needed a snap back to reality.
Since my return 3 days ago, I expected everything to return to normal with bf and I. However, something doesn't feel right... he is so lovely, and we get on so well, agree on the same things etc...but I don't know: there are no butterflies and i'm not feeling that desire to see him all the time, etc. He's also been acting quite needy and gave me grief when I visited a girlfriend, claiming it made him feel unwanted! (I'd only been home 2 days!)
Anyway, as I said, I was nearly tempted to extend my trip because something I've always wanted to do is work in Australia. I'm only 22 and feel I need to get this travel bug out of my system whilst I'm still young. I have been considering flight prices and looking into the working visa thing, but bf has been talking about 'we need to sort out what we're going to do for our future when I get back from travelling' (he's going to S.America from Jan- July).
How can it be that I went from honestly thinking I loved him, to then thinking I need to date around more?!
So my concerns are:
If best-friend-boyfriend is so wonderful; why do I feel like I'm in an unhappy marriage already?
Why was I unfaithful?
Should I go fulfil my ambition?
What the heck do I tell him if I do?
ahh life, i never thought that travelling would do this to me!

Your post threw me a little as at first it sounded like you were single... but here goes:
If best-friend-boyfriend is so wonderful; why do I feel like I'm in an unhappy marriage already?
Because maybe you're not truly in love with him? People could be the greatest but if that special "thing" isn't there, it isn't there...
Why was I unfaithful?
See above. Though I don't condone it, I think it means there's something missing in your relationship.
Should I go fulfil my ambition?
Always. You're young and able... do it before you regret anything. Soak up every possible peace of life you can. And then worry about settling down...
What the heck do I tell him if I do?
Just be caring but honest... let him know that you need time to grow on your own... I would first worry about what your decision is and then go from there...
ambereyes2006...
A male point of view from PG:
Most women (or men) who cheat on a spouse, g/f or s.o. REALLY AREN'T READY TO ABANDON SINGLEHOOD!
You might be under the assumption that "aussie guy" is THE ONE (quoting the Elton John song bearing that title)---but you could easily cheat on HIM if the 2 of you became permanently linked!
The whole idea behind EXCLUSIVITY (in any form) is "forsaking all others", isn't it?
Pianoguy