The big older woman/younger man question
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| Sat, 06-23-2007 - 10:47pm |
How does everyone feel about age differences in dating? This is where I am now. I'm 30 and I just want a relationship. Haven't had a long-term one in 4 years and the last 6 month one was about two years ago. I've gone out with various men throughout the last couple of years I've been single and focus mainly on the 30-somethings. I don't know whether I'm immature but I find myself being attracted 20-somethings even though I know they can't give me the kind of future a 30-year-old woman desired. They're cute, funny, sweet and free of any hang ups or wounded hearts. The guys I've been going out with who are in their 30's just have a heaviness to them and I don't know what it is. One guy on a first date started talking about his ex who he was engaged to and how he doesn't regret the choice he made even though he talked about her for a good five minutes. Another started talking about his difficult childhood and how his parents never loved him. Most of the time, it's conversations about exes and the ones that got away. Or they start talking about marriage and commitment when we barely know each other. I just don't want to go on a second date with a guy who starts with that on date one and I just want to be with someone fun who smiles and jokes around with me.
I don't get that with younger guys and they're so much more easy and breezy. So I'm considering dating younger again. Yes, I said again because a few years ago, I wasn't averse to dating someone say, 4 years younger and he was the love who broke my heart the most. The fact that he was younger was what ended it since I wanted the kind of commitment a younger guy couldn't give me. So I swore off younger guys completely and have been avoiding them like the plague even though they seem to be attracted to me. The best part is they think I'm in my mid-20's since I have some kind of crazy genes that cause me not to age. That's my little secret though. Do you think it's worth a try dating someone a couple of years younger or am I just asking for heartache again? I'm not having success with men my age so I'm thinking that maybe I should expand my horizons and not limit myself by rigid age standards. What do you all think?

Please don't let your imagination and assumptions control you. You're basically setting men up for failure before you even meet them. Given all the things you are afraid of, it's going to be incredibly difficult for a man to gain acceptance from you.
Men want an enjoyable relationship that is equality-based and mutually-beneficial. If we are required to run an obstacle course because of your assumptions - then most of us will have no interest in doing that because your assumptions have nothing to do with us.
Women mature faster than men. An older guy will have more hangups, no doubt, because he has more experiences than a younger guy. Use these experiences to learn more about what your partner needs at the moment. Parents that never loved him- be extra sweet and shower him with kind words and thoughtful messages. An ex they can't get over- show him what makes YOU unforgetable. No one is perfect, no matter what their age.
Younger guys are usually immature and unable to handle an older woman.
Do you have any older guy friends that could help with advise? I work with 7 guys and 1 girl in my office. It's really nice to hear their side of the story on certain issues. Most of them are older and a few are younger. I really cherish the advice from the older guys. The younger guys usually just try to make light of it, or say something really out in left field.
I'm 38 and looking for a long term relationship, so I know where you are coming from. The younger ones do not want to commit, the older ones are usually married, getting a divorce, divorced, or loaded down with baggage. But I'm raising 2 young kids and a teenage girl, not too good on paper. I have to keep this in perspective and respect that everyone comes with something they want to unload. I'm just hoping to find a sweet guy that can relate to what I'm going through, and in turn- help him figure out that there is a woman out there that understands. My current soon to be first date has shared custody of his 5 year old and takes care of his mom that just had a stroke. Not many girls would want to be a part of this, but he seems really sweet, and he's a good guy.
Good Luck!