to BKLYNCHIK thanks for replying!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
to BKLYNCHIK thanks for replying!
2
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 10:43pm
He's 24 years old, going on 35 ;)

One of the things that changed his thinking was on our way home, it was very late and we were both extremley tired. When we got off the interstate, we were a mile from my house and he wanted to stop at a gas station and use the restroom. I told him that surely he could hold it one more mile and that seemed to set him off. It seems so insignificant to me apparently it was a bigger deal to him. I thought a lot of it had to do that he was tired and just in a bad mood. He said there was a couple other things during the trip that really were just too ridiculous to mention so I don't know what they were. I wish now that I had asked him before he took his "space".

He's never been like this before. He is one of the most laid back, giving people I know. It's not like him to get so bent out of shape. I've never even seen him mad. I'm at a loss. If it's space he wants, it's space he gets. I'll wait for him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 7:51am
I think the key here is that for a relationship to develop and to progress, you need to be unafraid to air out differences "it really bothered me when . . .. " and to bring that up at the right time and circumstances. With the stopping to pee example ;-) if I were him I would have brought it up later - after getting some rest - and not right then. It also depends on what kind of tone you used and how badly he had to go - I know for me there have been times when a mile would have been too long to "hold it in" (sorry for the TMI) and while I felt badly making a boyfriend stop the car or others, I really had no choice - and if someone had chided me for it I might have overreacted (inside, not shown it) although I doubt it would have bothered me an hour later or less. You've learned something here - he is sensitive and more importantly he would rather run than have a discussion about what annoyed him and what can be done for next time. I find that a little immature. From what I have seen in marriages - specifically, my sister's almmost 20 year marriage - you have to be ready to work things through big and small and both big and small situations come up constantly especially once you have children, from what I have seen!

You know what - take this as a blessing - that you get to see how early that he 's not always Mr. Laid Back - i am not saying it's a dealbreaker but just valuable information for you to know. Take it easy and enjoy the holiday (the real holiday, if you celebrate this week and yes the holiday from him).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 8:13am
I'm with Deena on this one--he does seem a bit immature to be running for these reasons. I mean unless you totally flipped out, yelled at the top of his voice and threatened to do something if he stopped, I think that reason is a bit wishy washy. I have a feeling that the other "things" are just as wishy washy.

If he does come back, I would sit down and have a talk with him. Let him know how it bothers you that he just couldn't come out and talk about these things and that in the future, rather than running you should work it out. (I would say it in a much nicer manner though.)

Let us know what happens... Good luck. :)