Blast from the Not too Ancient Past
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Blast from the Not too Ancient Past
| Thu, 06-21-2007 - 4:47pm |
So I guess my situation starts out like everyone else's...boy meets girl, they fall in love, things move at warp speed and seem to be going fine. Then I meet the parents. Immediately took a liking to his father but the mother...while she wasn't downright rude to me, she wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy either. Needless to say, things hadn't been the greatest between his mother and I, although she did go out of her way to invite me over for family stuff. His brother's girlfriend will forever be the apple of the mother's eye though. Anyway, long story short, he and I broke up because my behavior was reflecting my latent desires to not be with him, mainly because of his mother's interference in our relationship (we had a fight around Christmas last year and she not only encouraged him in returning my gift, she bought it from him and gave it to his brother's girlfriend), but also because I didn't feel like I was getting what I needed from him (a part of that was forgiveness from the holidays). I went through my "I refuse to live without you" stage and tried my best to show him that I was still invested and wanted to give things another chance. He hemmed and hawwed (sp?) which began to turn me off so after being completely honest and realisitic with myself, I decided that the situation was no longer healthy for me and that I needed to be with someone who knew what he wanted and didn't put so much stock into making his mother happy over his SO. I'm also pretty certain that I told him in no uncertain terms of my desires to be completely left alone and that it wouldn't be in anyone's best interest to be friends, etc. This all happened (me pulling the complete and final plug) a little over two months ago. Last Friday, I was on the phone with a potential suitor and my ex decides to send me an instant message. By the time I realized it was him, I had already accepted his message (naturally, he's not on my buddy list). He wrote to me like he was expecting to have a conversation but my inital reaction was to close the box. Five minutes later, he writes back and says that he's sure I'm busy, and he just wanted to make sure that I was doing well, claimed that his life was going great and that he'd talk to me later. I'm sure I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill but if you knew what I went through to finally bring myself to where I'm in a good place (going out, working out, dating, etc.) only to have someone that I finally got over come crashing back through the walls. It's a little unnerving. My reaction level has subsided some but now I can't help looking over my shoulder when I go out or screening my calls/IMs because I don't want to be caught off guard again. I ignored him but that doesn't mean that he won't resurface again. Should I reiterate what I already said or should I be the jerk that I dislike and ignore him until he gets the point? Or is it possible that he's still getting a rise out of me because I'm still not completely over as I'd like to be and he knows?

You have done a great job in moving on and trying to get beyond that very complicated situation. When I have encountered a problem with a SO mother I do ask my SO to talk to his mother and make her understand that any interference will not be tolerated by both of us, but when that fails I just confront the mother and leave the guy out of it, if possible. I have had good results and formed friendships with the women during the time i was with the SO.
I would suggest you let the guy know that it is time for him to move on and stop contacting you.