blown off?
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blown off?
| Wed, 07-07-2004 - 7:58am |
I've been dating this guy for 2+ months. We see eachother at least once a week, normally on the weekend, and talk about every 3-4 days. When I do see him we go out to dinner, drinks, I've met some of his friends and we have a great time. We have great conversation and flirt like mad! There is some distance between us, I mean geography. He lives about 40-45 mins away. This doesn't bother me, but he's made some comments about me not living nearby. So here is my problem... & I need an unbiased opinion, my friends would either have me call it off or stalk him and I'm neither of those types of girls. I would like to talk to and see him more, but don't want to be pushy. I know he has his own life and I'm not necessarily a priority now. He has things going on, his own life, his grandfather is sick, his work, etc...
It seems like I usually make all the effort when it comes to us getting together. Once in a while I will send him a text message, just to let him know I'm thinking about him, normally something simple and random, nothing serious. He's never text message back, normally calls whenever. He's the type that say's "I'll call you later" and 3-4 days go by and I'm wondering if he's still interested?? Well, this past Friday we went to dinner had drinks, I stayed over and we did lunch the next day. Before I left I gave him some options, its a holiday weekend and there's alot to do where I live. He sounded very interested and told me he'll definitely call me, he promised not 3 days later-promise. A day later I hear from him... in a text message... "something came up, I'm not going to make it down." Now, today, it's been 4 days and that's all I got. Am I being blown off????
It seems like I usually make all the effort when it comes to us getting together. Once in a while I will send him a text message, just to let him know I'm thinking about him, normally something simple and random, nothing serious. He's never text message back, normally calls whenever. He's the type that say's "I'll call you later" and 3-4 days go by and I'm wondering if he's still interested?? Well, this past Friday we went to dinner had drinks, I stayed over and we did lunch the next day. Before I left I gave him some options, its a holiday weekend and there's alot to do where I live. He sounded very interested and told me he'll definitely call me, he promised not 3 days later-promise. A day later I hear from him... in a text message... "something came up, I'm not going to make it down." Now, today, it's been 4 days and that's all I got. Am I being blown off????

Sheri
So here's what I think. Don't chase so hard. If he's not interested, just let him go and find someone worthy of your attention. Ignore him. If he wants you, he'll let you know, otherwise, (i'm sorry if this is hurtful) he is just using you for sex. Trust me for that... Since finding this amazing woman, my ex has slept with me twice (cringes in humilation) I know full well that he is using me.
The hardest thing is to be strong about it. That was my huge problem. Which is obviously still there. Guys like this are just good at hurting people.
Take care.
However, since you haven't had that discussion and therefore haven't reached an agreement on that topic, I'd assume that he is dating others and that's why you didn't see him this weekend. Generally, I find it works best for me to bring up the topics of exclusivity and monogamy before I get sexually involved with someone. You need to decide what you're comfortable with and go with that.
Sheri
And no more text messaging him.
I'm currently in a situation that is uncomfortable for me because I put aside my usual rule of thumb about specifically agreeing to be exclusive and monogamous before sleeping with someone. We're long-distance, so I decided to make an exception and be ok with just an agreement to be monogamous but not exclusive, and now it's coming back to bite me. So, my advice to you is, once you decide what your bottom line is, stick to it! I wish I had.
Sheri
In the meantime, I was introduced to a friend of his a couple of months before I broke it off. We had an immediate connection on every level and honestly was not attracted to him at first. Then, one night, we kissed and it just felt like it was what I had been waiting for. Now, this guy is getting told by some people we both know that I am saying things about our situation ( I am not and he knows this ) that are not true. The new guy and I went into it with an understanding that we both wanted to remain friends with benefits for now and if something happened, then we would go from there. Nothing has changed for me. A lot of guys mistake my genuine attitude for being pushy. I am very up front about what I want out of a relationship, but it is almost like guys are hearing what they want to hear to give them an excuse to run away. What do you think?