Blown it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Blown it?
5
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 9:57pm

I had just started seeing a guy for a few months, and really like him. Things were going rather well recently, although after spending the weekend with him, some things came out in conversation that made me think.

He broke up with his ex last January, and she had previously been living with him for a few months in this new house of his. They've known each other for 10 years, and were together on and off, but mostly for the last 3 years before their split in january.

Initially, when I met him, he said that his working all the time and having no time for her was the reason for their split..but the real reason is because she wanted to marry him, and after thinking about it, he didn't feel she was the one for him..as it was more of a friendship than an 'in love' relationship.

After I stayed at his house it was evident that his ex has left some of her possessions behind, at his house. Nothing that looks as if she lives there now, just possessions, like her bike which is still in the hall, and some other bits that he's put away in a box, like previous school work.

I found out, in conversation, that his ex still has the keys to his house, and although he said she won't give them back, it seems odd to me, as they broke up in January, so it's now 5 months later. He said he's over her, although he's known her for 10 years, so won't forget her completely.

After spending the weekend with him, on my return home, it came out by text that I sensed he wasn't quite over his ex, and that exes don't have keys to your house, which I deeply regret sending.

I sent him an email apologising, and he replied saying he felt hurt and insulted by the text, but didn't want us to fall out, and that we should talk sometime. I tried calling him, but got no reply. He owns 2 companies, so is working 24/7, but I am feeling he's avoiding me. I did send him a text, saying I had called a few times, but I'll give him space, as it felt as if he didn't want to talk.

Have I blown it? Is it over? Has he lost interest? Do you think he's called his ex to sort this situation out? Maybe they've got back together? He's my boyfriend, yet I haven't heard from him in almost 3 weeks.

Advice needed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: katy3816
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 4:36am

IMHO, ten years together cannot be forgotten in 5 months. You've been seeing him for a few months only so you don't even know what he's thinking. If you felt that the situation was not a good one it was your right to address it in the way you saw fit. It appears though that the message you sent him made him change his mind and he may not be calling you again at all. The "we should talk sometime" has the "see ya" signature to it.

I'd move on and if he calls it's fine and if he doesn't then it'll be nhis loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: katy3816
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 6:13am

katy3816...

PG has 3 thoughts after reading your post:

1. If the b/f was TRULY OVER THE EX....he could've changed the locks on his door preventing access (by her) to his place.

2. If the b/f still communicates with the ex (by text, phone or email)...you either have to accept this...or dump him! The pattern will continue indefinitely

3. I'd seriously consider taking a break for a month. This way...the man will have time to sort out his feelings for you...as well as the ex...and hopefully decide which of you is more important in his life?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
In reply to: katy3816
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 1:30am
I think bringing up that fact that exs with keys to your bf's house bothers you is totally fair. Five months isn't that long to have been dating, but at the same time it's not a short time either. IMO it seems some information about his split with his ex came out that he maybe could've been more honest with you about in the beginning, and from what you describe, it sounds like he still has some ambivalence about his relationship with her. I'd require some communication about where he is with his emotional state with his ex before proceeding. If you've been dating 5 months and they split in January, he didn't give himself a lot of time to get over that relationship and decide what he wants from a new one, especially considering it's length. IMO, if anyone blew it, it was him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: katy3816
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 2:34pm
I agree. Let it go.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: katy3816
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:39pm
It sounds to me that he hasn't moved on yet. I agree that exes usually don't have keys. I took my keys back when my ex and I broke up. She refused to give him back her key. She sounds a bit "stalkerish". Why else wouldn't she give back the keys. He really should have replaced the locks when she refused to give him back the keys.

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