Bob update for those who read 1st post
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| Mon, 03-01-2004 - 10:15am |
This is for those who read my first post - the really, really long one about "Bob." Well, girls, I followed your advice and along the way, something dawned on me that I think you'll think is funny (or shows my immaturity).
So, I went out Friday night with friends. Bob showed up with his and I totally ignored him, just like all of you said to do. From bar to bar, no matter who I was talking to, he did all he could to get my attention. Started out with the staring thing again. The boy HAS to be in my line of view at all times. He came into the bar with his friends, also friends of mine. They all came up to me and said hello then sat behind me and my friends at the bar. Not Bob. He came up to one of the girls I was with to give her this big drawn out hello and told everyone else I was with hello as I looked away, avoiding him (I don't know why I do that). Then he went to the opposite end of the bar, where he stood directly in front of me, staring. We left that bar and went to another. His two friends were having a small scuffle with another group of guys at the bar, which I tried to stop from happening. His best friend was involved and he and I are really good friends and I try to look out for him. He came back after leaving to cool down and I gave him a kiss on the cheek and a hug. As soon as Bob saw that, he took off. We went to another bar where I know the bartender. So I sat on a stool by myself and talked to the bartender while my friends were off. Sure enough, Bob and his crew walk in. He went right to the corner I was sitting in and talked really loud behind me. I didn't turn around. He then pulled up a stool and sat next to me and I continued to ignore him. Then this girl came up in bewteen us while a guy friend of mine (and his) came up to me and we started chatting. The girl walked away and Bob reached over to the friend I started talking to and kind of got him away from me, so I sat there alone. The same thing happened later when the same friend came up to talk to me. Bob would come over, put his arm around him and lead him to another area away from me. Same thing happened with everyone else (all guy friends) that came up to talk to me, so I sat there pretty much alone. I didn't mind, my bartender friend was making me shots. So, another guy friend of mine came over and sat on the stool next to me and we started talking. Bob was standing behind me still. I leaned over the bar to order a drink and I felt my stool move under me. I turned to my friend and asked him if he accidentally kicked my stool and he said no. A few seconds later, it happened again. My friend said, "oh, it's Bob." He was kicking my stool with his foot! I paid no attention to him and turned around again. I went over to a table where one of my girl friends was sitting and sat next to her. I then realized Bob and his friend (the one in the picture that pissed him off) were sitting there. The friend started talking to me and Bob got up and went over to my girl friend and put his arm around her. While I was sitting there talking, he put his feet up on my leg and all I said was "that's real nice" and when he took them off, he'd left dirt marks on my jeans! I was mad but too drunk to care and I didn't want to give him a reaction because I knew that's what he wanted, so I ignored him still.
Now, what I came to realize is that I like the game. I like him, yes and I would want to be with him, but I like playing the game as well. I wrote in the first time asking you guys what to do when he does this, but the truth is, I already know. I get a kick out of him trying to get my attention all night. I could talk to him and it would solve the problem, but I don't just to see what he'll do next. Maybe it's because I'm only 23 and because that's what he and I are used to. I don't know. Anyhow, I have my own thoughts on why he does this. I want to share it with you guys for feedback to see if I'm totally off the wall or if I have it right. Steve, this is where you step in since you know men better than we do! Here's what I think: I think he likes me, first of all. He wouldn't spend so much of his night trying to get my attention if he didn't, especially if he knows that we won't have sex if we go home together. Secondly, I think it's his way of trying to talk to me. When we were together, he said my mood swings were like "night and day" so he never knew what to expect from me; if I was in a good mood, bad mood, etc. Sometimes, since we broke up, he'd come up to talk to me like a normal person and I'd be mean for whatever reason. I think it's his way of feeling me out to see how I'll react. And, lastly, I think he wants ME to go talk to HIM. He's afraid of me shooting him down, so he'll try to get my attention so I'll talk to him. If I go talk to him, then he knows that the converstaion is welcome and I won't be a bitch. Now what he wants out of talking to me, I don't know. But I'll never know unless I do talk to him, right? Give me feedback on that. And, next time I see him and he does this, should I just go up to him and talk to him when he tries to get my attention and see what he has to say?

Also, do you have enough going on in your social life other than going out to bars and drinking - that might give you a different perspective. I was engaged at 23 years old, so was my sister and so were many of my girlfriends - or we were in serious relationships - and if not these games were at a minimum - it has nothing to do with age
Edited 3/1/2004 3:39:58 PM ET by gatorgirl723
If you're objective is to get attention from him and nothing more than I would say you are doing ok.
If you're objective is to be in a relationship with him again...then, my dear, you simply need to be upfront about how you feel about him and request to have a serious "no-game playing" talk with him. How you respond to his behavior is to NOT play games back and simply request to seriously talk OUTSIDE OF THE BAR about yours and his feelings. Period...There really is no other way around it, as difficult as it may be to do this.
If you don't do this, then you and he will continue to play games...never know exactlywhat the other feels and never get anywhere.
But again....judging from his crazy behavior...you are setting yourself up for a lot of turmoil to get back with this guy.