Boyfriend - cheater? Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Boyfriend - cheater? Please help!
1
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:35am
I am currently living with my boyfriend who photographs women in sexy poses during his free time. I hate it, although he is incredibly gifted. Is something wrong with me, or is it normal to be in a relationship with someone like this? Why can't he be content with just photographing me (although I'm ugly. I guess that explains that.) He's never even asked. I like everything about him but this. Please help! Is something wrong with me??!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 1:13pm
Well, I'm having a problem too, like yours, and I decided that it might be better than instead of dwelling on my issues, that I can help you a little with yours.

First, I think the most important thing to address that you said in your message was that you think of yourself as ugly? Most importantly, no one is ugly. You need to think of first, before dealing with your issues with him, you need to deal with you. Once you come to value yourself enough and see yourself as worthy, he will too. He won't however if you continue to view yourself this way, especially in front of him.

Next, his photographing other women. I am guessing that this is an sctivity that he does on the side. Does he get paid for it? If its a source of income, MAYBE i can understand a LITTLE why he does it. Then, you can't complain because you knew this about him when you first started dating him. You could have made your decision if you wanted to stay with this type of photographer or not. He's getting paid to do it, its a source of income, you chose to be with him. If he doesn't get paid for it, and he just does it for fun, then I think you have a HUGE problem with the man that you are dating. He's unstable. I would say that he is cheating on you if he just does this for fun.

However, the most important thing though is to CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK OF YOURSELF FIRST. That is the most important thing. You can't expect to be in ANY relationship and also expect it to be healthy without valuing yourself. Don't worry, i know its the hardest thing to deal with and to change, but you have to. My advice would be to back away from this boyfriend and take some time to look into yourself. Good luck!