boyfriend hates hair 'down there'

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
boyfriend hates hair 'down there'
20
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:40am
I recently started dating a really cool sweet guy with a huge hangup: He wants me to be "clean-shaven" all the time. He brought it up to me the very first time we hooked up and hasn't let up. I have always kept my pubic area very tidy and short, but not shaved off. He doesn't want any hair 'down there' or on my legs at any time. I decided to comply and try shaving it all off, but it is very hard to maintain because, as you know, if you shave too much, it gets itchy, you have ingrown hair and shaving rashes. He told me that 90 percent of men feel the same way and that all of the other girls he's dated have kept their 'area' clean-shaven at all times. I don't see how this is possible unless you are getting regular waxes. I have been dating for 11 years and have never had a guy make any sort of comment about how I keep my pubic area. I personally prefer to have at least a little bit of hair, but he insists that since this is his only hang-up, that I should try to accomodate him. It has led to several fights, because I will take the time to shave everything and then he falls asleep and we don't even have sex. I feel like he is asking too much of me and I have a hard time believing that all men feel this way. What do you think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:54am
Im a big fan of clean-shavenness... but I agree, its too much to ask to be clean shaven at any and all given moments. The fun part is, gals arent the only folk who are allowed to shave their regions... just ask him if he is willing to do the same! If he cant shave for you then he cant expect you to shave for him. But honestly... what is more unpleasant, a little stubble or a bunch of irritated skin?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 11:08am
I have suggested that he shave as well, to see what its like, but the truth is - I don't really want him too, because I think its strange for guys to shave their stuff. When you say you're a big fan of "clean-shavenness," I assume you engage in that practice as well. I'm curious as to what your method for staying 'clean shaven' is and am I making this harder than it needs to be?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:05pm

Actually, I read something this weekend that said that less than 10% of men prefer women to be clean-shaven (can't remember where I read it or I'd quote it for you).

I've never had a bf who preferred it, actually (or if any of them did, he kept it to himself, LOL!).

I personally would not be comfortable dating someone who was being so controlling about this issue.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:13pm
thank you for your reply. If you remember where you read that, I'd appreciate knowing where it was. I am not comfortable with this and think it is slightly weird and immature. I am probably going to tell him that yes, I like to 'maintain,' but i do like to have hair and he will have to decide whether it is a deal breaker or not. Thanks again for the input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 1:01pm

baherrma:

One sentence response from Pianoguy:

"The man you're seeing is A CONTROL-FREAK!"

So don't buy into his theory that this is HIS ONLY HANG-UP? Trust me...you'll discover a few others!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 11:41pm
If whether you shave or not is more important to him than your personality and how well you both get along, enough to be a deal breaker....methinks you'd be better off without him. Besides, I agree that behaviour is controlling and probably only the tip of the iceberg.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:20am
hmmm well I had the opposite problem...when I started dating my boyfriend I also thought well just in case I would be real "trimmed" down there etc...when to my surprise it turns out he loves the "natural" look the most...well unfortunately I've never been that naturally hairy anyway and so I let most of what I had grow back in just to please him but it still is not enough for him I know....so I said what do you want me to do buy a wig for down there??? well ladida...he'll just have to take it or leave it right? I think a compromise is in order...if it makes you all itchy then just trim down as much as you feel comfortable or change guys and find one that likes you for you and not for what's down there....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:38am
One hang up follows another one.. the guy seems controlling. I wouldn't be uncomfy just to satisfy his ego...not men like it clean shaven. Why not shave the hair on the lips and trim the rest. It feels clean and looks neat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:18am
Thank you so much for your response - I have been encouraged by the responses that I have received, because I realize that his hang up about this is his problem, not mine. I talked with him yesterday and told him that I personally don't like having to stay clean-shaven all the time and that it isn't enjoyable for me on many levels. I told him that I was going to grow it out over the next two weeks the way I like it and we would go from there. He was very okay with it. I also suggested that if he cared that much about it, he could pay for me to be waxed and he was very agreeable to that as well. He is very open to how I feel about the situation and I'm glad I talked to him about it. Thanks again for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:24am
Thanks a lot for your response pureatheart, I agree that this issue should not override the other aspects of the relationship. I finally talked to him yesterday about the fact that I did not enjoy shaving everything off and was starting to get bitter towards him over it. I told him that I was going to 'fashion' my 'stuff' in the way that I prefer over the next two weeks and we could go from there. He was very agreeable to that. I also told him that i would get waxed if he paid for it. he said he would do that. my biggest issue is that I don't like having to shave all the time, so I am willing to try waxing. I will now be watching to see whether he respects my opinion about it - since he now knows exactly how I feel. Thanks again for your advice.

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