Boyfriend is moving in with a girl
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Boyfriend is moving in with a girl
| Mon, 04-12-2004 - 11:52am |
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We are very much in love but are in no rush to get married or move into together (we just graduated college a year ago). Recently my boyfirend just signed a lease for an apartment with a girl who he says is a good friend, yet I've never met her the whole time i've been with him. It was his only option and the only person he could find to room with so I felt bad when I told him how it made me uncomfortable that he was getting a place with this girl becuase there weren't many options for him. He can't afford to live on his own and this apt. seems to be great. When I told him how I felt he was understanding and re-assured me that he would never do anything to hurt me and that she's just a roomate someone to share the rent with. He does make me feel better when I tell him how i'm feeling. I just can't stand the fact that he'll be living with this girl alone. The thing is is that I totally trust him and I don't think that he would do anything to hurt me but what drives me crazy is the image that I have of him confiding in her, telling her about his day, she'll always be there to hang with. I just feel very uncomfortable with that senario, even though he re-assures me it won't be like that at all and eventually they hope to find a third roomate to make the rent even cheaper. My boyfriend has a lot girls who are good friends and I get along with them great, but to get a place with a girl alone not to mention one who I've have yet to meet really gets to me, I should be the girl he spends most of his time with. I just don't know what to do. I trust him but I feel like this is totally inapropriate and that he should not be living with a girl. Am I wrong? Should I chill out? I try to tell myself that if its meant to be it will work out and not to let things like this bother me? Can you give any advice?

Personally I think that something like this should be discussed and agreed upon beforehand in a relationship. I wouldn't feel right about doing something that made my SO feel uncomfortable, and I know he'd feel the same. Many times bad things happen to people who didn't *intend* for them to happen. I have developed the belief and attitude over time (and through many learning experiences of my own) that the best way to avoid trouble in a relationship is to make wise choices and decisions with the aim of avoiding putting yourself in a position where potential trouble *may* occur.
In my experience there are rare instances in life when we have only one option available to us. Good luck.
I had a boyfriend that lived with two very attractive women, but they had their own boyfriends and it was completely cool. they didn't do much together, everyone was shut up in their room with their partner and came out to eat/cook. there was never any doubt in my mind that my boyfriend would stray and I had the assurance that no one was ever around and if they were, they had a man already.
Good luck.
That said, if you really feel like the roommate is going to have exposure to him that you want, then maybe you really are ready to move in with him. But all this begs the question, does the roommate have a life of her own, boyfriend of her own, and would she even be around to enjoy all these things that you are imagining will happen?
Just trying to provide a different perspective.
Also, if this guy was the cheating type, he would be really good about keeping "his women" separate. I'd say his openness about his friendships with women says good things about him, like he can see women as friends, not just sexual objects, and also, he's not secretive.
Don't mess things up for yourself by being fearful. Take it at face value, and reserve judgement until things unfold. And hey, his roommate could become your new best friend!
oh, I've got it: OH HELL NO!!!!!
This will do nothing but stress you out every single day. And even when you try and convince yourself that you trust him, and it doesn't bother you... it will nag at the back of your mind. You're gonna wonder what goes on the nights you aren't there, and blah blah blah. It will drive you nuts! No matter how wonderful he is, and even if he really WONT do anything to hurt you, this is going to eat at you on some level. Maybe you two can get a place?
That sounds a little odd that you've never met this girl--- and now he's moving in with her...
No matter what happens, do yourself a favor and have your guard up.
Good luck