Boyfriend or boy "friend"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Boyfriend or boy "friend"?
3
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 10:49pm
Ok, so here's my dilemma. Sorry it might get a little long.
So I met this guy through a mutual friend. At the time that i met him he had a girlfriend who was four hours away at college. They were having a lot of problems, and we just started a little friendly flirting, i didnt think it would go past that. Then about a week after we hung out his girlfriend broke up with him because of the distance. That same week he came over and we ended up sleeping together, we didnt have sex, we basically cuddled in my bed. Soon after we got closer and closer, he would visit about 3-4 days out of the week and stay overnight in my dorm room. However throughout this entire time we only kissed a few times, partly because we are both extremely shy. After this i started to question our status, and he always responded with "Im not sure what i want. Im confused." So we went on for weeks after as "friends". He recently went down to visit his friends as well as his ex girlfriend. He apparently did not have a good tiem and sent me an email letting me know where he was and taht he left early. He tells me over and over that he just wants to be friends, but why does he care enough to send me emails letting me know where he is. And when he told me where he was going in the first place he apoligized about going, because he knew it bothered me. Why does he care so much about my feelings if he doesnt want me as more than a friend? I really like him and want to be with him, but i dont know how to approach him. I feel as if I have talked the subject to death, and i dont want to bring it up anymore. Plus it seems like all of our friends are constantly talking about this behind our backs, which gets very annoying. Should i stop going over to his house just to see what he does? Because it seems like I am the one making the effort lately. Should i just keep my mouth shut and see what happens or should i sit him down and ask him what is going on? If I do sit him down and talk to him, what do i say when he responds with "i dont know what i want". that seems to be his answer to everything lately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 12:48am

This guy has no problem with flirting with other women while in a committed relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 9:22am

It sounds like he cares about your feelings, which is why he kept you in the loop and why he told you he only wanted to be friends. Because it definitely sounds like he is not over his ex, and he realized that he is not ready to be with anyone new.

He has treated you with respect, now you have to treat yourself with respect by letting him go and moving on. I would stop going over to his house (unless it's a group thing) and start looking to date someone else.

When he becomes ready to date again, he may seek you out. But you can't do anything to get him ready faster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:57pm
I have to first start by saying that I too overanalyze EVERYTHING when it comes to relationships. This always gets me into trouble...I suggest you stop overanalyzing things and communicate with this guy. Seems like he has A LOT going on in that mind of his. The only way to get to the bottom of things is to tell him how you feel. Be honest with him and if he does give you that damned line of "I don't know - I'm confused" then tell him he'll have plenty of time to figure it out because you won't be around. Seriously, if he still is unsure (whether it's a line or the truth) you don't need to be there investing anymore time and emotion. Get on with your life - as hard as it may be. I wish you the best!