Boyfriend too close with sister??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Boyfriend too close with sister??
2
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 1:59am
I need someone's opinion on how I can approach this problem I have with my boyfriend's relationship with his sister. Everytime I'm with them, I get very uncomfortable because they're so close and it makes me feel left out/unimportant. For example, my boyfriend would massage his sister's shoulders in front of me while she's sitting on his lap. It really makes me mad when he does this because he never does that to me. It also makes me uncomfortable that she sits on his lap like that. Then another time, they held hands and i was walking behind them. It's like i wasn't even there. Isn't that weird or am I just jealous?? Also, I really didn't like it when they play around, like he'll smack her ass (he doesn't usually do that). So, everytime my boyfriend and I hang out with her, I feel very secluded and uncomfortable. I basically end up not being friendly because i'm not having a good time. Should I tell him it's bothering me or should I just ignore it or get more involved with them? I want to be comfortable when his sister is around him, but I don't have a good time and I'd rather sit at home and watch tv. I know that's bad, but it makes me upset that he just basically ignores me. I love him and I've been with him for about 2 years, but I don't know if this is a problem. I don't want him to lose the affection that he has with his sister, but I'm not comfortable seeing the stuff that he does. Please tell me if I'm overanalyzing what he does...what should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 7:29am

lum184....

Pianoguy realizes you're very upset about your b/f's behavior with his sister. While most siblings don't behave in the manner you described...there ARE exceptions.

Unfortunately, you feel like you're in competition with "Sis" because she's getting more attention...along with the TLC you feel you deserve. And yes...YOU'RE VERY JEALOUS, AND ALMOST HOSTILE!

But let's look at reality....okay?

If your b/f has been behaving this way (with Sis) for several years, what makes you think he's going to suddenly stop just because it bothers YOU? Perhaps you should let your feelings be heard if you haven't had a one-to-one with him about this? BUT...

What I can't understand is how you could continue the relationship for 2-years knowing how much this type of behavior (from him) bothered you? Are you sure you're not leaving out a few other issues connected with your relationship?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 8:01am

I agree.

It's obvious they are an affectionate family. My dad is one of 5 kids and they are all very affectionate with each other, it wouldn't be unusual to see one of the girls sitting on their lap, heck my aunt sometimes sits in my lap, or if someone was bending over to spank their bum...

It's obvious that your upbringing wasn't one that was this affectionate with each other, so you are uncomfortable with it, and you are jealous that he doesn't do those things with you. Well heres a thought, jump in his lap next time you two are watching tv or how about doing things alone and not with his sister????

Go to your house then his sister won't be there right?

This really isn't about the sister, this is about the lack of attention you are getting and you are feeling resentful about it. So speak up to him or create an atmosphere where it's just the two of you, to be alone together and such. Why are you doing so much with his sister???