boyfriend troubles

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
boyfriend troubles
2
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 9:15pm

ok, so my bf is a really great guy. he's funny, goofy, and a hard worker. i'm ok with him being goofy, it's cute and he says he'd do anything to make me smile. but we recently went to the wedding of a friend of mine and at the reception he was trying to fit in with my friends in attendance (which honestly i don't hang out with and haven't seen since high school) and he was being kinda irritating even to me. at one point he even put his fork in the candle flame and when i asked what he was doing he said he was burning off the germs! to my knowledge he is not a germaphobe and i know he was really bored, but i still just don't understand why he would do that, he's not 5 years old!

i also am aware that he has a.d.d. and a social anxiety problem, but, i was simply terrified at what could possibly come out of his mouth next or what he might actually do next. i know i shouldn't care what other people think but i do and he completely doesn't. i really like him and i want it to work.....i just don't know what to do.

i don't want to hurt him or make him feel insecure i just want a way that i can let him know how i feel and how sometimes he embarrasses me without looking like i'm better than him or that he needs to be someone he isn't.

please help!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 11:06am
Since I can only go by the information you provided in the post, I can assume he's a good fit for you in other areas of life or other aspects of him being a boyfriend. If it was me, I would probably address his behavior from the vantage point of how a situation is affecting him rather than how it embarrasses me. I find this to be a better approach to enhancing communication between two people instead of criticizing the person. I would point out that I can see how certain situations change his behavior and personality and how it seems that he is uncomfortable with the situation. I would ask him if there was anything I could do to help ease his anxiety in those situations, as well as, remind him that him being "him" is what is attractive and reinforce that he just be himself - that is the part that he has to shoulder. And I would probably ask him to tell me (quietly of course) if he is experiencing anything uncomfortable at an event so that it can be addressed and not escalate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 5:39pm
thank you so much for you point of view, it really helps to get outsider opinions because i just didn't know how to handle that.