Boyfriend wants to move out of state

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Boyfriend wants to move out of state
7
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 4:18pm
Ok so I have been going with this guy for three months. Absolutely in love with him as he is with me. We talked about marriage and kids already and have a plan. He came home from a trip to Cali (where he is from) and said he wants to move back there. He can transfer his job but I would have to find a new one, new friends, and have no family since mine is here in Phx. I don't understand where this came from and why he wants to go like now. We have been crying about this for days and I don't know what to do. This is the love of a lifetime and I don't want to loose him but I think he shouldn't want to go this soon either. I suggested six months and he said he could not wait that long. He misses his family and was back there for two funerals so he is scared that they are not going to be around too much longer. I am lost....HELP!!! I have never felt like this about ANYONE and I am scared to loose the best thing that has ever happened to me.


Edited 1/30/2006 4:21 pm ET by ninerfan25
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 4:48pm

Don't worry......moving does not mean the end of a relationship. Be positive. Let him find a foothold. I guess he has thought things through and wants to move. Someone has to give in. In this scenario, it looks like you should let him go, and then take it from there. Don't spell -doom- yet. If both of you love each other so much, and care to be together, it will happen.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 5:54pm

Let him go. If it's meant to be, it'll work out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 12:33pm
Yeah I know it is all just easier said than done. I STILL have not heard from him in a few days. He called on Sunday and said he was driving and thinking and that we would meet Monday and talk and he never called. I am SOOOO CONFUSED and hurt!!!!!!!!!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 1:29pm

I'm sorry...I know how hard it is to be left in the dark. It sounds like he may be having 2nd thoughts about your relationship because of feeling obligated to his family.

Another thing that occurs to me...I know it's been intense, but 3 months isn't a very long time. He may be taking a step back and re-evaluating since things have moved so quickly.

I hope he calls soon and lets you know what's going on in his head, though.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 5:13pm
I thought of that too but he suggested we go to Laughlin and get married. He said that Friday. I am just sooo lost. I hope he calls too and soon!!!!!!
Thanks for all of your advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 5:53pm

Yeah, the best thing would be to just get busy, and give this some time.
Probably he needs some time to settle down. He might have lots other things going on in his mind. It doesn't hurt to holler a hello and see how he is doing. Wish you the best!
Maybe once he has other things out of the way, he will share what is on his mind. I know it is really hard, but don't worry. I suggest you start getting involved in other aspects of life so this doesn't cripple you. Things will be fine...

Even if he has changed his mind about your relationship, I don't believe you can do anything about it. Let us hope he hasn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 5:34pm
So saw him on Tuesday and he is still saying the same things. He is unsure if he wants to go and does not want to string me along while he thinks about this all. If he does go it won't be until after May. He said this is sooo hard on him. He thinks he is making the biggest mistake of his life loosing me. He said he is still in love with me and it kills him. It is not me it is him who is screwed up he said. He cried and I vented everything on him. He asked if he stayed he would hope I would take him back that he might come to my door asking me to. I don't know. He just wants space so as hard as it is I am doing just that. I have not called/text him since. It has only been a few days and I am miserable but I can't chase after him. I just hope he realizes what we have and we figure this out. I suggested to go with him and I had looked at jobs and places out there and we can do it. He said what if you go and hate it and then end up hating me. I said what if I love it. I just said I give up. I feel as though I am fighting for someone who doesn't want to be. Again I just hope he comes around.