boyfriend's grandmother's funeral

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
boyfriend's grandmother's funeral
3
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 9:35am
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. His grandmother died last week. The funeral is in two days, and its a 5 hour drive from me. I'm in my busiest time of year at work (I work for the state legislature and our legislative session ends next week), and it would be a huge hassle for me to go to the funeral. My boyfriend isn't very sad about his grandmother's passing, mostly because she's been "gone" for many years with severe dementia. He has said that he'd like to have me there, but would understand if I can't make it. Should I go? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 11:28am
Have you met the grandmother? Do you feel like a part of his family? Did his tone indicate that he was inviting you because you were his girlfriend or does he really need you there? Is there a flight you could take - even just getting to that location in the morning, attend the funeral and fly back that night? Sorry for the rapid fire questions, but everything weighs in on how you should handle it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:56pm
Thanks for your reply. To answer your questions... I never met the grandmother. She lived in a nursing home in Tulsa, OK (I live in upstate NY), but I probably never would have met her even if she lived close by. She suffered from severe dementia and didn't know who she or anyone else was (very sad). The family had pretty much considered her 'gone' a long time ago, before I even knew my boyfriend (with the exception of being in touch with nursing home staff regularly to make sure she was doing okay and her needs were being met). From his tone, I don't get that sense that he needs me there. He isn't very sad about it. I would really be going as a gesture, so his family knows I'm a good person, and to be there with my boyfriend for this 'family event.' Its going to be a family reunion of sorts (as funerals typically are).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:37am

He does understand, and you would go if it was possible - maybe make a donation in her name or send huge floral bouquet - do something special so that you show you care

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