break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
break up
1
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:30am

Dear all,

I just broke up with my bf and it is as painful as it can get, but you have probably all been there. We met in class in September and he would always stare at me. Slowly I started getting interested, then a few months later we had a big crush on each other, and finally in early November we went out. It was so much like high school, though both of us are in mid twenties (he is younger),...too much like high school. That can be exhilarating but irritating as well. I found out that he had had 2 short relationships, didn't want to have sex before marriage, and overall was very very inexperienced. His habits, ways of dressing, etc. were all a bit “strange” but we clicked and developed a bond and caring that made it all worth it.

When I was with him, I was very happy, when we were not together, he sorta had the tendency to close himself off the world. For the most part, he was not there for me, when I needed him, calling 2 times a week was as much as he could do. For me that was not a healthy relationship, but I took into account his lack of experience and gave it all the patience I could summon and then some to give him the space and time to adjust. About 2 months ago, things were growing and started getting pretty serious. And then he started distancing himself. Everything I did irritated him. After waiting for him for 5-6 weeks to start acting like before, I realized that will not happen. I had a long conversation with him. TO my questions “how do you feel about us”, “do you want to see each other tonight?” “do you want to see each other at all?” his answers were all without exception “I don't know”. He didn't even have the decency to break it off, I had to do that. All he could say is that he was in over his head and couldn't figure it out. So, now that it's over I know it was the right decision, but I am left hurt, and without answers or explanations as to what happened...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: tunafish963
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 5:52pm
That's a difficult situation. I will say that it's a good thing you weren't together for that long before he started showing his "true colors". I'm sorry you have to feel this. It sounds like a good learning experience, however. I've tried to learn from all my failed relationships in the hopes that I'll recognize someone good when they come along and appreciate him. It sounds like your guy has problems with intimacy. His safety is in keeping people at a distance. It's sad but trying to change someone is impossible. The fact that he isolates himself from others would probably mean he would distance from you if you had stayed in a relationship with him. I'm proud of you that you were able to recognize what he was doing and handle it in a mature manner. You did everything you could it sounds like. Be happy for yourself and know there's better out there for you. Best.