"on a break" and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
"on a break" and confused
1
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 9:17am
I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months. He's a really nice, sweet, honest guy. Every girls dream right? So what's wrong with him?

During the first two months everything was going great. We got along great, it seemed like he really liked me. He would drive into the city and stay with me. Then, he got busy. What I probably should tell you is that I am 26, college grad, working full time and living on my own. He is 22, just getting ready to graduate, living at home and just getting ready to start working full time.

I've had my issues with this relationship that I feel I've overcome (ie. his very, very close best-friend like relationship with his sister), which whom I am friends with too. He's still at the age where he talks about drinking with his friends. Overall, he is a mature person, but immature when it comes to relationships. He would never express anything to me, wouldn't open up. He wouldn't even tell me if I looked nice or say that he liked me. I would say things every so often, but he would barely utter a word.

Ok, so, he's been really busy lately and I've felt like I am the lowest priority. He didn't have a lot of time to hang out, but didn't even say that he wanted to. The other night I asked him if he was too tired to come into the city to see me and he said yes. (Come to find out, he drove his sister into the city to drop her off and go back home). During this conversation, I said I can't do this anymore. I can't date someone I can't see. I said that I was really trying to deal with it, but I knew I wasn't handling it well. I told him that I've been waiting to see what it's going to be like when he starts working. I asked him to tell me if I needed to back down from this or how I should view our relationship and that's when he said it, "I think we need to take a break"

I told him that I need someone who is going to talk to me without me feeling like I am badgering them. I know that he is a great person and has good qualities. But, I also know that we are at too different places in out lives. I need help!

I asked him when he wanted to get his stuff and he got offended. I know what's better for my future, and that we are probably not meant for each other. But, I am finding this very difficult to get over. I really liked him and was starting to have strong feelings for him. I had so much fun hanging out with him. I don't know where to go from here.

He's party is this Saturday and he said I should still go. But, I don't know. There will be other people there that I know and I know I won't see him a whole lot. I just don't know what I should do. There is an end in site for this, I just can't see it.

Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 11:59am
While there may not seem to be a big difference in age between 22 and 26, there is. He's still living at home, he's still able to come and go as he pleases, he's still in party mode- going to school, he's not even working. So he has no responsibilities. YOU on the other hand are done your schooling, are working full time and live on your own. You have 100% responsibility for what is going on in your life. What's not working here is that he's not in that mode yet and won't be for a while. I can fully relate to allthe fun you are having, I have myself dated a younger man. But you need to walk away and say "ok, that was fun, now let's date a grown up."

Once you focus your attention on someone who is a little closer to you in lifestyle and responsibility you will see the difference.

Good luck.

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