Breaking up b/c he's "confused"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Breaking up b/c he's "confused"
1
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:22pm
My boyfriend of 2 years and I decided to take a break, break-up, whatever on Monday. On and off for two months I've sensed that he wasn't as happy as he use to be. He doesn't deal well with change and has had a great deal of it in the last year, including me relocating to be near him and him getting his own place. After much discussion, I was able to finally get him to admit that even though he deeply cares about me, he still wants to see what's out there - i.e. - hook up with other girls, go on dates with other girls, etc. I am having a very hard time dealing with this because this breakup, even though the idea was initiated by me because he wouldn't say it for fear of hurting my feelings, is not what I want. I thought he was my soulmate and I was ready to commit to him forever and help him work through his issues. I even suggested going to talk to an impartial 3rd party, which he rejected. He says he needs time to figure things out and the only way he thinks he can do that is to break things off with me. I don't hate him or harbor ill feelings toward him. I wish his confusion away, but it's still there. Does anyone have suggestions about how I can deal with this, move-on, or even convince him that he's made a terrible mistake?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:51pm
simcha3, I really feel your pain. I can relate to you because I went through the same thing as well.

If you love your boyfriend you have to do what's best for both the of you. You dont' want to be in a relationship where he's not happy with himself because he won't be able to make you happy. He has to figure out what he wants, in order to make your relationship work.

I know it's hard for you right now, but you have to focus on YOU. You have to find out what makes you happy besides your boyfriend. What helped for me was reading on how to make my life better. Once your boyfriend sees that you are trying to better your life he will do the same. And he will see that with or without him you will be ok. And that will make him think twice if breaking up with you was the right choice.

But for right now focus on YOU.

I wish the best.