breaking up blues!!!
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breaking up blues!!!
| Sat, 08-26-2006 - 3:04pm |
Last night my boyfriend of 4 months and I broke up. I'm feeling completely down. It was a mutual decision. I was needing more out of the relationship than he was capable of at the time. We were having a completely wonderful date but he could tell something was bothering me and he kept on so we ended up talking about it. And decided to break up. He was saying that he wanted to wait and talk tonight, but he wanted to talk over the phone instead of in person. If we were going to talk I wanted to do it in person. Now I'm wishing we had waited until tonight after having some time to sleep on it and now that I'm not tired like I was late last night. He also said that what he wants to do is be friends and see if something develops after being friends. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think it might be hard to just be friends but at the same time I want to be able to talk to him and hang out with him because I enjoy his company. Is it okay for me to call him tonight and see if he wants to talk things over again like he originally suggested yesterday? Things ended well, we both were crying, we hugged and kissed bye and he told me he liked me and cared about me, but it's still hard.

I'm sorry that you are having a difficult day. Your boyfriend's comment about being friends and then waiting to see if something develops after that doesn't really ring true for me. It sounds very much like "It's not you, it's me."
The good news is that his desire to break up is out in the open and now you are free to move on with your life.
Good luck.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know how it hurts. To answer your question, no I would not call him. You wanted to break up too. And it's very normal to regret it after the fact especially when the fear of the unknown comes up. But remember the reasons you wanted to leave.
Can you be friends? Maybe at some point in the future, but not now. If you attempt to remain friends now I fear it will just get muddied and you'll wind up sleeping together or messing around with tangled emotions.
Personally I would give yourself ample time to grieve, remind yourself of the reasons you wanted to break up and when you get over him then maybe think about a friendship.
Makes sense?
I had a question. Is it possible to "get over" someone? If person A touched our heart, and after X amount of time, after we FEEL like we don't feel as emotional about them as we did before, we speak to the person again. Wouldn't he touch our heart again? He is person A, the same person! It happened to me when I got back in touch with my Ex after many years of separation. I knew then, that I couldn't be friends with him ever.
Can one really be strictly friends with no romantic emotions after re-connecting? I feel we never really get over anyone who has really touched our heart and who we really were in love with. It will get re-ignited.
And how much separation time would you advise before reconnecting?
I see your point and agree with it on some levels. If it was someone you had strong feelings for and the feelings aren't resolved
Yes, it's possible, at least with some exes. I'm now friends with one of my serious exes (I'm also friends with a lot of guys I dated briefly)--it's been 9 years since we broke up--we were together for 4 years (lived together for 3) and it took me 3 years to get over him...but I did, and I don't have any romantic feelings for him now and am able to be friends. For me, it's about accepting that the two of you aren't right for each other, that you can love someone and still not be right for each other. If you're truly able to accept that, then rechanneling the love into platonic friendship love should be possible.
I don't think there's any set amount of time--it's when you're completely over your romantic feelings for the person. Whether that takes months or years is dependent on a whole bunch of factors.
Sheri
I used to agree with Sheri until last summer... The guy I was an ex to and friends with for 10 years after that was the one I got involved with last summer and everything kinda went South from there.
Sheri, what would your take on that be? :o)
Well, I suppose romantic feelings could re-ignite, especially if you haven't fully accepted, deep in your heart, that he wasn't right for you (because it seems to me that once you reach that point there's really no going back). I honestly can't imagine getting involved romantically with my ex again--the thought kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies, LOL! He's a good guy but he's got serious issues...and I'm just glad I can observe those issues from a safe distance rather than having a front row seat.
But he does make a good friend--he's coming with me to a baseball game today as a last minute stand in for a CL guy who cancelled on me 4 hours before the game!!!
Sheri