Breaking up due to different life goals

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Breaking up due to different life goals
1
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 3:13pm
Hi to all here. My story is about me dating a guy for over a year now, and seeing this not going anywhere or long term. I kept breaking it off and going back to him, i'm in love with him but my intuition tells me and all my friends and family that this is not going to work out between me and him. We live in different cities 30 minutes apart, he doesn't have a steady job, and doesn't drive. I have a steady job and do all the driving. I have kids, which i share custody with my ex, so therefore i can't move to where my guy lives. The best choice would be for him to move in with me, since he has no dependents, but it would take him long to take buses and subways everyday, so basically not convenient to him. He can't afford to buy a car, at least not right now. So yesterday we're talking and i try to figure out his plans for the future. He says that once his job starts paying more, that he's gonna save some money and buy a house, in the city where he lives, and do a home stay business, renting rooms for students. He can't do this where i live, because i live in the suburbs and lives downtown, and that's where all major universties and colleges are located. So basically that's what he wants, and i do not fit in the equation because i have to live in the suburbs where my children and my ex lives. So i broke it off again with him last night, since our life's goals are different. I told him i need someone by my side, living with me, and taking care of me. I need more than just, driving back in forth, all the time, so that we can see each other. I feel it's been over a year, and it's time for us to move forward or to break it off. I'm so sad and devasted and hurt, that we have to go this route, because of our life's circunstances, we can't stay together. Any advise? Did i do the right thing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 7:04pm
You did the right thing because not only are your goals different, he is not an equal participant in the relationship. by that, I mean you are doing all the work, the driving, even figuring his life out for him. He doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs a mother.