Broke up with a 8 year relationship
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Broke up with a 8 year relationship
| Wed, 09-01-2004 - 11:31am |
Hi- I just broke up with a guy I had been dating exclusivly for 8 years. He didnt want to take it a step further so I gave him an ultimatum. He had always had issues with getting close to people because he lost his brother to suiside in his house 6 months before I met him. He claims he will never get close to anyone again in fear of loosing them as well. So for 8 years we had dealt with intemacy issues etc. but I loved him so I wasnt going to give up. As we were dibbeying up the photos etc. he told me he would never get into another relationship again- because he once more lost someone who was close to him-( believe me- he had more control over this loss). When I first met him it took him 2 years for us to become exclusive- he was just never a relationship kinda guy- on top of that the issues with is brother. Now he is 36 years old and lives kinda like a hermit. However now that hes free- 1 and a half months later, hes gone back to his old bachelor mantality- sleeping with different woman and telling them to leave when they are done. He still has my photos in frames around his house, and refuses to take them down because he says they are special to his heart and memories are all hes got now. He isnt moving on but hes out sleeping with girls one and a half months after the breakup. This hurts me because its too soon in my mind- he doesnt know I know that hes been having sex- because "he couldnt live with himself,"( in his words). But why so soon? I havent even healed yet- and why does he satisfy his loneliness with flings and sex- and in the end hurt the girls hes sleeping with? Its a never ending cycle and Its making me feel worse. Please help- thanks-stace

Don't kid yourself! Your EX is "living with himself and having sex with other women... without giving ANY of his actions a 2nd thought!" Your pictures can hang on his walls indefinitely, but they are secondary to who he wants to sleep with.
Pianoguy applauds your 8-year relationship...even though it went 4-5 years longer than it should have. And now that your b/f is content to be 'foot loose and fancy free at 36', I wouldn't expect him to 'un-hermit' himself anytime soon.
Pianoguy
So of course for you it's too soon and you have a lot of emotional things to work through. You were committed and loved this man. For him, he can just move on because, despite what he says, he was never in anything with you for a real relationship.
So quit thinking about this selfish jerk and be careful with the next guy you find. If he says upfront he's not looking for anything, has committment problems, or fears intimacy LISTEN TO HIM!!!
For men sex isn't about caring for someone - so it could be a way for him to do something to make him feel good and temporarily ease the pain your departure left.
The way he acts or doesn't act isn't about you. This man, as you said, has deep intimacy issues. He obviously cares about you a great deal since he hung in for so long despite his relationship phobias.