Broke up on Christmas

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2013
Broke up on Christmas
2
Sun, 12-29-2013 - 10:40am

In july I met a mawhat'd we hit it off really good. He is 49 and I am 46. After second date, he tells me he has been separated from his wife for 3 months.  Turns out she married him for four months and left to go back to her x husband for whatever reason.  Anyway, we start seeing one another regularly. He stayed over at my house and introduced me to his friends and son. After about 6 weeks, he tells me he is taking a work contract in another state and wilnene leaving soon. I was concerned, but let it go. He called me daily and seemed interested. i was worried about being his rebound girl and discussed that with I'm, but he didn't know what to say really.  i let it go and kept talking to him. He arranged for me to fly to visit him one weekend, but then cancelled it saying he had to work that weekend. Then he later arranged to meet me in a half way point and again cancelled it Saying he had to work. He did come home thanksgiving and we spent time together, but he was pressured with his business at home and time with his children. He wouldn't go to my family's thanksgiving dinner and I understood, but instead without telling me he went to a party and went drinking. That was fine just felt he was scared to tell me. He comes into town another weekend and totally doesn't try to see me at all and apologizes for being so busy. Then he has mentioned us going  away after Christmas to cancun and then changes it to maybe we can go somewhere close by for a couple of days.  I now don't believe he will follow through with anything. also, he says he's working late at his restaurant when he comes into town wit hour calling me at all and he never used to stay at the restaurant till 1 am working. Red flags all over the place,I know. He comes home for 2 weeks off for Christmas and tells me he has to spend time with his kids who are 19 and 21. I understand. he never one time mentions us getting together or anything. I'm feeling confused and starting to think he's seeing someone else.  So, I wait to hear from him christmas morning and nothing. I called him around 1pm and he doesn't answer. So, I'm feeling hurt now and I text him to say merry christmas. I then turn my phone off because I feel he is avoiding me and I figured he might call  but I was hurt.  Areound 5 I turned the phone back on and he had texted me, so I called him back. He said he got up early and went to clean the floors at his restaurant And had been working all morning, but said ill call ya later if your gonna be around. I was very upset and felt he was blowing me off, so I did what I should have done much earlier, I texted him and just broke it off. Told him how I felt and he needed time to heal from his divorce. I tried to be nice, but I haven't heard a word from him since.  I suppose I was right, or I hurt his feelings and he doesn't know what to say .    Anyway,  I feel so bad for doing that on Christmas Day, but I felt hurt and like I'm wasting my time And like he was just calling me out of a feeling of obligation or something.  Oh, I know too that he tells his mother everything about me and my life, which makes me uncomfortable. I feel he tells his daughter and his assistant things too, so maybe he's listening to what others tell him.....I don't know, but I need a man who is emotionally available And not mourning over his divorce.  I now am stuck with wether to mail his Christmas gift to him or not.  I was fine with just being friends, but his silence is really bothering me, so maybe this is just what he wanted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 12-29-2013 - 11:46am

Yes, you were right to break up.  The first problem is dating a guy who was only separated--I just feel that never works out--it was also a recent separation and she left him, so he probably still had feelings for her.  Then he canceled 2 visits with you--most of the time I would assume that people would know in advance if they have to work.  If he works in restaurants don't they make up a schedule in advance?  Plus if he is home for weeks or even a whole weekend and doesn't make any time to see you, that means that you really aren't high on the priority list, so that situation is never going to work.  I wouldn't even send him a gift--just return it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2013
Sun, 12-29-2013 - 12:23pm

He owns a restaurant and a construction business that takes him on long term out of town projects, so he is busy, but seems he used to try harder. And yes, I feel he still lives his ex even though she burned him.  Another thing I didn't mention is that he and his ex wife were members of a swingers club and he asked if I would want to go to the club or to his friends house party.  he said he didn't mind if I didn't want to go, but I feel he wants to continue that lifestyle and maybe he is behind my back....who know!  Anyway, I told him that I was not interested in going there or to his friends party, so maybe he didn't like that.  He acted as if he didn't care. But he acts like he doesn't care about much anyway....

I knew it was wrong to date him and I think I tried to fool myself to thinking we were just friends and i hate that I may have jumped the gun and made assumptions, but then I would think if he cared he would have tried to talk to me.  Maybe he will call one day so we can talk itout and remain friends.   oh, i also suspect he may be interested in the new bartender he hired. She had previously worked a a bar that he frequented.  i wonder why his wife really left him?  Oh well,  on to the next! Lol