Broke first date, is it even worth it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Broke first date, is it even worth it?
11
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 5:30am

Well, it seems she has been playing hard to get at the meeting stage, anyway, i was able to talk to her on phone and we agreed on a date on Friday. Thursday morning, i got a text msg like this
"I have bad news, I cant go out on Friday"

Is this even normal? Without even giving any reason, is she trying to make me crazy thinking what else she would be doing on friday or what? Right now i dont know what to do, i havent reply or call her.

i was bored on friday nite and for the hell of it, I text msg her. I was thinking either way, i dont care much now and I should play this game too. I pretend like I never got a cancelation msg.

I texted her at 12AM like this :" Hey I had to work overtime and i forgot my phone at my friend place, did you have to wait".

What do you guys think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 2:58pm
If she's been playing games, then let her... what I'm curious about is why you felt the need to engage in the game?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 5:27pm
because I dont want her to think I am just like a puddy dog and she can do anything she wants. I want to have some respect too. And isnt it the best way to deal with gamers is to play the game along?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 6:30pm


from my point of view, your playing along isn't helping even though it might be giving you a temporary satisfication. it's only complicating things. if she isn't being what you want her to be, then you be the different one, and be nice and direct. if you both are putting forward steps that are not "natural" to begin with, and are engaging in game playing, then it's not a sincere start and you both are wasting time. well, now that u have sent that msg already, you might have to keep the lie up, and cover it up with more lies if she asks any questions. all this is not necessary.

first of all, you cannot be sure she is playing games to begin with. she did not keep you waiting and did inform you. but if you still believe that she is playing games, then why date her?

when you meet her next, talk to her and you could always mention that you were wondering what happened, and why the sudden cancellation, and see how she responds.

if you are getting the feeling she is not interested in seeing you anymore, ask her that directly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 7:17pm
Thanks for the respond. I am quite sure she is playing games, not just because of this broke dates, i have research and compare, whatever she does is exactly what "the rules" said. Like not answering after a call, text msg after a day etc. I did tell her how i felt and ask for her respond, she just reply asking why i never told her before and We should go out. (it seem like a yes to me)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 8:06pm

i have never read the book and personally don't like to follow any such rules, so i wouldn't know how to spot anyone following it. does it talk about cancelling the first date??? to me, all these rules sound odd.

go with her on the date if u like her. if u don't have a good feeling about her, then you don't have to go at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 8:14pm

Here is my proove, even ivillage has an article for the girls to do such evil thing
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,426365_547479,00.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 8:30pm
just an update, she just texted msg me back today, sarturday liek this "what are you doing tonite"
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 1:27pm

Instead of assuming the worst (that she's only interested in playing games), it's best to talk to her and find out what's going on. She had every right to cancel the date, since people do have lives outside of "dating" and if something came up that she felt she had to attend to/ deal with, then she cancelled on you. She could have just not said anything and left you waiting for her, but she didn't, she let you know the day before that she couldn't make it.

Now, I HATE text messaging, and I loathe the day it was invented, since I think it would've been best if she had cancelled by calling you. But most likely, she didn't want to get into all the reasons that she was having to cancel, so she sent you a text.

Stop acting like she's playing games, you cannot tell from one situation if that's her intent or not. If she was CONSTANTLY changing plans, cancelling dates, missing in action, then you would be justified that she was A)not into you and B) playing games. Give her a chance to prove the way she TRULY is before cutting her out completely. If she wants to do something, give her a chance, but if she ditches again, write her off.

Last year I tried online dating and met a guy who I chatted with for a few weeks. He wanted me to call him on this one weekend, and I agreed to call him on Sun. Well, my best friend was diagnosed with Lupus that week, and told me the news that weekend- which of course left me devastated AND on the phone with her most of the weekend. (She was misdiagnosed, by the way.) So I never called him, and when I checked my email on Mon he ATTACKED me for playing games and that he didn't have time for this, and such. I didn't even bother to reply what had happened in my life that I didn't call him, since I figured that if he could jump to conclusions before asking me, then he wasn't worth my time.

Does that make sense?

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 2:00pm
Alison, I totally understand what you say. But you know everytime I try to be a nice guy, it seem dotn work. Like last nite she texted me "what are you doing tonite", i replied 1 hour later "What are you up to" and never get any respond. It seem the more nice I am, the less attention I would get.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 3:13pm

Then she's not the girl for you, and you'll have to keep looking for the one who appreciates what a great guy you are. I know that it seems like girls only like the jerks, and some do for a while- but then they realize that they WANT that nice guy who's been there all along. I don't think YOU should change anything about yourself in order to attract a woman, because you'll be attracting the *wrong* type of woman since you won't be portraying you.

There's a lot of women out there who ARE looking for you, so don't get stuck on the wrong one. If she's unsure of what she wants, or seems to play games, then let her be that way, and you move on to be open and available for that woman who will be excited to be with you!

So please don't change who you are.

Alison

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