Is busy man worth the wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Is busy man worth the wait?
5
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 7:03pm
I met a guy online last October. We hit it off tremendously and when we met there were major sparks. The thing is, he travels alot with his job and we live 2 hrs apart. I am a single mother of 1 so not having someone around all the time is good for me right now. At the end of January things fizzled. He was gone a lot and was not online at all anymore. I finally got the nerve to ask what happened in March and he felt it wasn't fair of him to get involved with someone with him being away so much. He said that he didn't think we had fizzled at all. He said that with him gone he knew he couldn't give me what I needed. He also explained that he was still reeling from his last long term relationship that ended just a few months before we met. I understood this and told him I wanted to remain friends.

In mid May he began e-mailing and instant messaging me almost daily. We can chat past midnight some nights. He began flirting with me again and told me he would be an hour away from me in less than a month and wanted me to come see him. He was making all the effort this time around. He talked about our meeting for days and days like he couldn't wait. I did meet him and it was like nothing had changed. He told me that he would be traveling a lot for the next 3 months and I told him that some women didn't think it wasn't that big of a deal and military wives dealt with it all the time.

The following Wednesday I e-mailed him because he had not been online and I had not heard from him. His computer has been down at home and he explained that to me prior to us meeting. I am hoping that that is all it is. I asked how his week was going and he was swamped. He made a comment about another rendezvous but didn't mention when. He had to leave town this past weekend, he will be leaving again for 2 weeks and his schedule up through September is pretty full with travel. I know he is busy with work in traveling, etc. and I completely understand and appreciate the fact that he is so ambitious. My question is, when men get so busy, do they not understand that a 5 minute phone call would go a long way? I am beginning to feel insecure and am wondering if he will contact me again. I admit that I am emotionally attached to him. I have been from the beginning. Am I worrying for nothing? Are some men this focused on their careers and don't consider how they make us question if things are moving forward? I thought about surprising him with cookies where he will be later this week....is this a good idea?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 11:05pm
First, I know what it's like to travel 90% of the time for work. I did it for 5 years. It is very difficult to have any type of personal relationships..for me, every single relationship I had during that time, family, friends, SO's, all suffered. I took the time to repair my relationships with family and friends but did not get involved with anyone on an intimate level. I also felt it wasn't fair to subject someone to my trave schedule. A relationship should progress to spending more time together--that wasn't something I could offer.

However, I will also say I never met anyone during that time for whom I wanted to change my schedule. If I had, I would have in a hearbeat. As someone once told me, if someone wants to spend time with you, they will make the time no matter what the obstacles. I'm sorry to say this, but in my opinion, he is either not as interested as he claims to be or is not ready for a serious relationship. Either way, you will likely continue to wait for him. Only you can decide if waiting is what you want but I really don't think he will change anytime soon. Besides my own experience, I also have a male friend who worked 7 days a week, an average 12 each day. He did so for years, never getting seriously involved with anyone. A few years ago, he meant someone new and within a month, cut his schedule back drastically. They live in different cities and switch travel back and forth every weekend. The point is he found someone he wanted to be with and changed. I wish you luck with this man but my best advice is move on. You can keep communication open but do so only if he contacts you. He may realize what he's missing out on. If not, move on with your life. You can find someone who really wants to be with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:04am
Sounds like your man is making time for you when it is GOOD for HIM! Busy or not no one is that BUSY! I think he may be stringing you along cos your around when he has time. He is very inconsistant and full of excuses. I'd cool it if I were you and see if he pursues you.

Long distance relationships are almost always open relationships. If this is OK with you then so be it. Whether you think it is open or not, It usually is the case. Unless he makes some serious changes, I would not take him seriously. You deserve to be treated as priority! There is only one you , there is no job in the world that justifies putting you on the back burner. You deserve respect and not calling you or e-mailing is a BIG RED FLAG. Maybe you should consider moving on, there are far to many FISH In the SEA. Never Settle!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 4:13pm
Hello fblossom!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 4:31pm
It does sound like your interest and expectations for relationship progress are greater than his. Have you stated your expectations to him? I question how fair it is to hold someone up to an unspoken expectation. Also what have you specifically done to clearly show that he is appreciated and a priority in your life? He may not know where you are at emotionally speaking.

Sometimes you can have two wonderful people interested in each other yet the situation does not offer the things needed for a substantial bond. This may very well be the case here too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 4:45pm
Hon, he might be busy e-mailing/chatting with other women. It appears that he's just flirting but with no intension of committment to you. Men who are interested in committing to women who live far away make the time even if they are seriously busy.