Call her? It's already over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Call her? It's already over.
10
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:27pm
ok, so I dropped this girl the other day because I really felt that I was being used. I wasn't that important, wasn't as important as her damn cell phone! In my previous post I mentioned this and got great advice. Thank you all. I kinda broke it in a chicken sh!t way though, through her celly with just a text. Short, sweet and to the point. I felt like I should have spoken to her instead of a damn text, but that's her communication medium that I know she'll get the point. So does she deserve a real explaination? I think she just wanted it to be casual.....I'm not that kind of guy. Life is too short for just a physical relationship. Although I never asked her about it, I could feel it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 4:38pm

<< I felt like I should have spoken to her instead of a damn text, but that's her communication medium that I know she'll get the point. So does she deserve a real explaination?>>

Rule of thumb: do unto others as you'd have done unto you.

If you would prefer someone to explain her reasons for breaking up with you, then ... that's what you should do. Attempt to offer her an explanation.

If, on the other hand, you sent her a "damn text" simply because you felt like that's what she deserved or that was what she seemed most responsive to ... then, you're not really doing right *unto you*, kwim? Nor do you know that she really isnt sitting on the other end wondering "WTF?"

At the very least, attempt to talk to her. She may not want to hear it. In which case, that's fine. But, at least you *attempted* to speak with her.

Hope that helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 4:46pm
Since you both had it casual, no obligation existed; you both saw each other at your won convenience. The short message was enough, although it would have been better to break up the news face to face.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 6:26pm

yeah, I think my emotions got the best of me and I was more ashamed of myself then I was upset at her. I think after Thanksgiving I may give her a buzz, but I know I'll feel like a jackass. How can we learn and accept ourselves if we're not honest with ourselves in the first place?

Thank you for the encouragement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 6:29pm

sure but gettin face to face was proving more and more difficult. Broken dates and the like.

You are right and that may be the case because I don't really know. I broke it in my mind, because that is how I felt, NOT what she said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Fri, 11-24-2006 - 4:33pm

I was just wondering how old are you? Most women around my age, I am in my 30s we like having a more decent break up, more civilized and we realized that life is too short for grudges and some other mishaps. So I think you have to communicate w/ that person.

I was also in the same situation, I thought the guy really liked me then all of a sudden his interest slowly diminish. So I am not totally aware WTF really happened to him and I am not the kind of person that will continously harass someone for a straight answer. If he ever calls back or tries to communicate then I will entertain his insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 12:53pm

33 going on 23 it seems. I agree with you about a more decent breakup, that is why I went and spoke to her. It was a very big step for me because I usually just leave it at that. I had to face my biggest fear and that is telling someone exactly how I feel/felt. It went great, I was able to see the big picture a bit more clearly. My instinct was exactly dead on, she wasn't really interested....I was the flavor of the week. This made it even better because I was able to face my issue as well as grade my instinct. I grew from this and won't make that mistake again, the childish breakup, because it really doesn't help. I also learned that I breakup sometimes because I am afraid to get hurt, self preservation. Well happy to say that if I can recognize that it is an issue, I can work on it.

I wouldn't harass anyone either, but it was more about me then her, because I knew already. I appreciate everyone's input, thanks.

See now from what I've just seen in my experience, I don't think I'll be the guy to entertain that sort of behavior. If I'm not what they want then I don't need them on my mind. There are way too many people out there that will actually enjoy me enough to be interested....give me a call before too long. I do see your point though, who knows what may have happened????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 9:10pm
Yes, what she did was inconsiderate but what you did was rude and hurtful.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 10:34am
I actually went to her place to talk. I didn't want the phone to be the medium because that was too easy. For me to really get it through my head that I needed to take care of this the right way, I went in person. It didn't hurt her feelings, she wasn't even phased by it. She had played me like a schoolboy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 7:55pm
Well, I respect your courage for going over there and talking to that person. I'm sorry that you have to go through things like this. I used to think only females are the ones who are being used in the dating world. We all have to experience some disappointments, downfall in all aspects of our lives in order to grow and realize what we truly want and need. So goodluck on your dating situation. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:57pm

Thanks. I actually enjoyed the whole experience. Why? because I grew from it. I'm a guy that has been used and abused, but now I'm in a better place finally after 33 years. I understand why and how it happens, nostly due to my mind instead of hers. I let it happen becasue I'm too interested in the girl I'm thinking about. Well I have come to realize that I am worth someone who appreciates me. I'm one of those "nice guys", but I am a bit more reserved now.....still a nice guy, can't help that one, but not a doormat. I have learned that every experience we have in our lives has some good in it, we just have to look. Thanks again

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