CALL IT QUITS???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
CALL IT QUITS???
2
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 12:18pm

So my saga continues and now I am really upset. (See my previous posts please) I am dating this guy and something is lacking-we are not sure what it is. We have been dating for 2 months now and he treats me very well-cooks for me, buys me flowers, but he is not affectionate with me and he does not know why. I pick up on his vibe and I hold back from him because I am scared of getting hurt again. He says he really enjoys being with me and that maybe this is a good thing that we are different. I feel like maybe it isn't. But, this is the first guy that's treated me right in so long that I am reluctant to admit this to myself and move on. However, he must be feeling something too, because this weekend he did not return my phone call from Friday night. He always calls me back. So, I called him again on Sunday night-thinking it was weird he didn't call me back and weird that he didn't want to see me at all this weekend. We had spent a lot of time together last weekend, but still....He picks up last night and we chat for like 10 minutes about nothing important. I decide to tell him I was on the road on Friday night when I called him-a little white lie-I told him I visited a friend this weekend. I didn't want him to think I was sitting around waiting for him. He says he'll call me back later b/c he's in the middle of something for work. Great, I think! Well, as I thought would happen-he did not call me back last night and I am pissed off and upset at the same time. He is the one who preached being honest with each other and direct and now I feel as if I'm getting the major brush off and I think I need to confront him. So, what do you think? Do I give him a little time or bring it up to him. He obvioulsy is trying to tell me something-don't you think? Maybe he's hoping I'll be the one to bring it all up-men can be cowards when it comes to stuff like this. PLEASE HELP ME!!! I am frustrated and angry and sad. He is such a nice guy in so many ways. Is it possible he is testing me and wants me to initiate contact-he always initiates us seeing each other? Or I am just wishful thinking????? I am so hurt and confused!!!!!!

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 6:21pm


Call him and ask him "What's going on. You don't seem to be yourself and I am feeling ignored. Is something on your mind you want to share or tell me"?

Did he give you a reason why he didn't return your call last weekend or plan to meet up?
Did you believe that reason?

Is it possible that he WAS planning to meet up with you, but something came up, and he got more upset when he heard from you that you were out with a friend? Not supporting him or saying this is right thinking, but is it possible he "might" be thinking this way and hence got upset?

If he always spends every weekend with you, then it was odd he didn't spend this one with you especially without even letting you know. But, if you don't meet up every weekend then perhaps this wasn't out of the ordinary? In any case, you know best when something seems wrong, since I don't know the details.

I would say, just go ahead and talk to him, and try not to be accusatory. Once you share your true feelings instead of masking it, perhaps he would be open to share his too. And this is definitely needed even more during such times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 6:35pm

I think there is a good possibility that he is picking up on your ambivalence and fear and may be backing off because of it. Whatever his feelings, he still can't bring himself to be really affectionate with you and for me in a relationship, that would be a problem and an indicator of something a lot bigger.

You should talk to him and ask what is wrong. You might get an answer, you might not. But regardless, it sounds like he might be pulling away from you for whatever reason but you do have a right to ask why.

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