Call Me Crazy
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Call Me Crazy
| Mon, 12-12-2005 - 2:26pm |
I think I am losing my mind. For some reason I can't seem to let go of this guy that I have been with for 5 years. I realize that he is no good for me. All of my friends and family agree. In the past things were great and I really loved him, but after the cheating, physical abuse,stealing from me, drugs and his drinking....I have come to hate him. I know I deserve better than that. He does nothing for me, but expects me to do things for him. An example of this would be last weekend. Since he has no car, I took him out to run some errands. Not once did he offer gas money, or even pay for my meal. It was almost as if he expected me to give him a ride. It would have been nice if he had offered something. I have tried in the past to talk to him about how I feel. Needless to say that went in one ear and out of the other. I have even left him a couple of times, but always came back when he gave me a sob story. Or he'll call me crying. I really think I am crazy now, because I don't even like him anymore. When we do talk on the phone it usually ends in an argument. The phone conversations are always one sided. He never asks what is going on with me, or anything. The last time we had sex I was so turned off by him (because he has cheated on me in the past and I can't get that out of my head). According to him, I should forget about the past, and all of the things he has done and said to me. I can't forget. I know there is nothing left, but for some reason I keep picking up the phone and calling him. I don't know why. Can you tell me why????

Because you have very low self esteem and don't believe you deserve anyone better. The healthier you are mentally, the less these messed up people will appeal to you.
Work on yourself. If you do, you'll look back years from now and think "what was I thinking with that guy?"
Been there, totally done that.
Chick
personally,
Low self esteem (i.e.: believing you don't deserve anyone better), fear (of being alone), habit -
the point is this is a habit you must break. Do what you must - have girlfriends who agree to let you call them whenever you have the urge to call him to talk you off the ledge; therapy; writing down all the terrible things he's done and keeping it right by the phone...
You don't need someone who is abusive. It's not even that you enjoy being with him clearly - I do urge you to consider seeing a shrink if possible. Or is there a CODA near you - Codependents Anonymous based on principles of AA?