To call or not to call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
To call or not to call?
5
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 12:37am
I guess I need some much needed relationship advice...PLEASE!

I met a man in early August (I ended up buying a timeshare from him), and we really hit it off. He asked me to email him, so I did. After exchanging some flirty/fun emails, I asked him if we could get together. His response was that "yes, definately", but that he had a really hectic schedule right then. So I waited. I ended up calling him one afternoon, and he came over. We visited for a long time, and one thing led to another, and we ended up having sex. This totally freaked me out! I had only ever been with one other man before, and we had dated for a VERY long time before anything happened. Needless to say, the casual sex thing was/is not my style. I will say this though, he was extremely sensitive, sweet, and caring, which is probably why I'm obsessing over him!

He didn't call the next day, like he said he would, but he did email, saying he was going to be out of town for the week for work, but that he wanted to see me again. So, after two weeks, I saw him again, and I had a wonderful time...I believe he did to.

After that, the emails became a little more sporadic and his calls non-existant. Although, he continued to claim that he wanted to see me, but that he was really busy with work and football (yah for football season). It was about 5 weeks before I saw him again. I wasn't sure what he really wanted, so I sent an email asking if this was just casual sex or what? He sent me a response, saying "I enjoy making you feel good, it makes me feel good. Only the future knows what it holds." So, I guess I'm not sure where we are relationship wise. Then, he sent another email stating that in past relationships his weird work hours and travel have big issues. Was he trying to warn me?

I haven't seen him for 3 weeks. He called once, but hasn't emailed. I continue to email and call him occasionally (But I don't want to seem desperate). He is wonderful on the phone -- very interested in what I'm doing, and always claiming to want to see me. The last time I spoke with him (a few days ago), he said he was really busy with plans, but that he wanted to see me, and that I should give him a call soon.

So, should I give him the call? At this point, even though he says otherwise, I'm not sure he is that interested in me. I guess I'm just not use to not being a priority in a man's life that I'm involved with. Maybe he really is that busy, but I have time in my busy day to call him. What is the deal? And why am I obsessing about this one man? Should I cut my losses? Give him another chance? Wait it out? What?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 2:12am
listen.

if he really wanted to talk to you or set something up for a date, he would call you.

this is why we don't put all our eggs in one basket -- and also why we don't chase men.

don't call him.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:41am
In case you were wondering, his answer to your casual sex question was a resounding YES!!!

Only call him if you are willing to settle for being an occasional bed partner. He's not interested in anything more, and he has made that VERY clear.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 12:26pm
he's just not that into you

dont make excuses for him. if he wanted to see you he would ASK YOU OUT - like a date..not one of these i wanna see you lets hang out at your house.

sorry hun, hes just not that into you

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 8:15pm
Sweetheart, he pursues what he wants and he wants casual sex. His response says it all, he enjoys your encounters BUT he's not intetesred in taking the FWB relationship to another level. He calls once in a while or e-mails to be sure that you're available to him when he wants it. Given that you like the sex with him it's highly possible that you'll available to him every time he calls you. If you're not into casual sex then don't call him. If you do, call him and let him schedule your sexual encounters like he's been doing it until now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:08pm
Sporadic phone calls and emails are giving you the response he wants to give you. If you want more from him, like the previous messages, "he's just not that into you". Have you read the book? It specifically talks about men calling you. Don't call him, if you want to have casual sex with him and can handle that, then do it, but you know us emotional creatures, we get our feelings involved so quickly once we shared ourselves with them, and the casual sex becomes played out and not so fun after awhile. Ask yourself what do you want with the opposite sex now and that should help you. Be careful with your heart and who you give your body too, I hope you make the best decision for you, not with what were saying, but listen to the others, maybe you can take some things from what were saying and see if it fits into your life. Good luck, and let us know the outcome.