Call out to Ileandra
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Call out to Ileandra
| Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:43am |
Hi Ileandra I am just posting to see how you are doing. How’s the baby? How you are feeling about your decision? Etc.
Hope all is well and that you are doing well!

I think my first reply got lost somewhere in cyberspace and God did I write volumes!!! I’ll try and re-write it, though maybe not as well as the first one. Thank you for asking how I’m doing. I’m doing okay, I think, though getting as fat as a cow each day. I should think baby is fine too. Last doctors visit, I asked her why I still wasn’t looking pregnant and she said firsts turned out that way most of the time. So I guess everything is normal.
Well my decision to keep this baby has not been easy at all. My one and only caring sister freaked out on me over the weekend when she got to know. She’s had problems with her husband over other women, so yes, she didn’t really take kindly to finding out my ‘sweet’ boyfriend was married all along. She must have seen all those women in her husband’s life in my face!! Hope it blows over soon. Next, the rest of my family will know and will come down on me like a ton of bricks and I can tell, I can’t wait to get over with it soon.
Then there’s my baby’s father. I broke up with him coz I knew that to move on with this decision, I had to make the right choices and staying in the comfort zone with this married man, was not a right choice. It hurt me to leave him because we have this common bond, but I just had to. It doesn’t make it any easier for me to have to see him at coffee break (for me, herbal tea!) and having him to ask me how I’m doing and if I need anything to just call him up. And I’ll be honest with you, twice, under the ploy of discussing our ‘situation’ I let him come and see me at home and afterwards, I felt soooo ashamed. We didn’t sleep together, but I let him kiss me and hold me. How can I say one thing and do another? I’m trying really hard, believe me. I just wish we didn’t have to work together, it would have been easier for both of us.
We haven’t really discussed how we’ll raise the baby. There’s finances, yes, then there’s his family, his wife, our jobs, it’s all quite hanging right now but I hope we can agree on a few things before too long. So guess, apart from my irate family and my luring boyfriend, who uses the baby as an excuse to see me, my decision still stands. I’m not sure how hard or easy being a single mom is, but I’ll give it a shot and try my best and be a good mommy.
It’s thanks to people like you and the pianoguy for giving me inner strength. People who you know will always encourage you to do what’s right, no matter how tasking it may seem. It is not easy and I need you guys!! Thank you!!!
Happy Thursday!!!!
Lee
I’m glad to know you are doing well! As far as telling the parents, it has to be done sooner or later they’ll begin to notice after awhile. You’re happy with your decision to keep your baby, so make sure you stay happy and don’t allow others to make you feel ashamed of your choices.
Hope you’re doing okay and thanks for your response. I still need to talk some more though.
My baby’s daddy still insists he tells his wife and I’m not really for the idea coz I know this will cause more trouble than there is already. I know he feels obliged to tell her, but it doesn’t make me comfortable. He says he can’t go on pretending that it didn’t happen and that the sooner its done, the better. now, I don’t know much about her, he hasn’t talked about her much, so I’m not really sure what her reaction will be, but I really do feel there’s no need at this stage, actually at any stage at all.
My sister seemed to have cooled off a bit and says I should tell my mom, coz she won’t help me do it, I have to do it alone. I’m thinking of this weekend. She’ll freak out, I know, but I need to put that out of the way. So that’s one other hard thing I need to do.
Then, there’s the issue about my ex wanting to see me at my home. I know I shouldn’t let him, but sometimes it can be so hard to handle the stress that goes with being pregnant and when he makes himself available for me like that, it just melts me… I know I should be stronger, but it’s a lot harder to b strong with the guy who made you pregnant. I’m glad I haven’t given in to sleeping with him and I know I can and will resist that and any other forms of intimacy, I just have to make up my mind.
We’re supposed to meet Friday to discuss the hospital insurance and other baby related stuff so maybe I should suggest we just talk it over the phone. He’ll pull the you-can’t-discuss-important-matters-like-these-on-the phone excuse on me, just to come to my house. How can I not fall for this kind of thing? How can I not want to see him especially now when I really feel like being taken care of. He’s even offered to spend a few nights with me if he has to for the sake of my health (which is perfect!!) just as an excuse. Sometimes I think, maybe he does really love me, but then again, I know the truth…
Well, that’s that. I’ll close my eyes and just walk through the fire. It will hurt, but it’s best for me ( just need to convince myself hard enough!!!).
Thanks for your words of wisdom, always appreciated.
~Lee
Meet at a coffee shop, work out the details and go your seperate ways.