calling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
calling?
6
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 12:19am

If a man you have been dating for about a month goes on vacation for 3 weeks and does not call you when he returns, should you have reason to worry?

I have been seeing this guy for a little more than a month about twice a week before he went on vacation. The beginning had been really intense and not that he has returned, things have cooled off. He traveled overseas with a huge group of his buddies and had a great time for 3 weeks partying and laying on the exotic beaches relaxing. He returns and doesn't call me. I instead call him cuz he told me when he would return . He returns my call the next day and casually says he's back in town and doesn't apologize for not calling me but asks me out to lunch. While he was out there, he didn't try to contact me at all. No postcards or even e-mail. I don't think this guy is serious about me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: trustlove8
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 1:01am
You're right on the money. This guy is casually dating you. He may have had a lot of fun during his trip. A month of dating is considered casual so he has no obligation to call you or e-mail you. An apology is not necessary either as there is nothing serious between you two. You seem to be on a different page than him though. He's casual and you're serious. I'd go to lunch with him and see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: trustlove8
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 7:26am

I don't know whether he is serious or not, but he certainly seems less interested in you now that he has returned. Perhaps something happened while he was away.

Be cautious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
In reply to: trustlove8
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 3:48pm
I wish I had read your responses sooner. I took it personally and projected a relationship status. I went to lunch with him and asked him about us. He got nervous and broke it off. He said he didn't want to hurt me. He saw how I panicked and got too emotional when I told him I missed him and how it bugged me when he didn't call when he got back. I got more and more nervous and didn't realized I was aking him what was going on between us. What was our status. I get getting more and more nervous and I kept babbling until he stopeped me and said we whould stop seeing each other. That hurt with a loud pang in my heart. I was more serious than he was. I am sad. Is there anyway I can fix this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: trustlove8
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 6:18pm

There is nothing to do. I wouldn't waste my time calling or writing, I'm not so impressed with this man.

I'll make a wild guess that the two of you were hot and heavy before he went away. But after 3 weeks with his friends, and maybe other women he met while at the beach, he returns and doesn't have the decency to call you. The man takes an avoidance approach and only invites you to lunch AFTER you call him wondering what is going on. Telling a guy that you missed him while he was away is something many people would do.

You had every reason to be confused. This guy is much more of a loser than you think. By breaking up with you, this man did you a favor. Time to move on and find a guy that can treat the way you so justly deserve.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: trustlove8
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 9:13pm
Well, you'd only been dating a month before he left so I assume there were no commitments. But I agree he should have at least emailed or sent a postcard. Go to the lunch and don't make a big deal of his lack of contact but definitely be wary and casual. Why just lunch
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
In reply to: trustlove8
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 6:55pm
It is my feeling that you are worrying needlessly. You have not been with him long enough for you both to have a strong BF-GF relationship going on. Are you both exclusive yet? Has that been discussed? If he has asked you out, that's a good sign. Perhaps, he is just too tired and needed some time to settle in, before he called you? I don't believe he had to say sorry for not calling you, unless he had promised he would call you and did not. He did not stay in touch with you while he was gone. But why are you expecting so much, so soon? In my opinion, it's still too soon. If you are serious about him, and you feel he likes you too, then you need to back off a little bit, and just enjoy his friendship without putting so much pressure on him and loading him with expectations. He will pretty soon run the other way if he feels you are rushing things. So let your worry and resentment go, and just show your good spirit that he is back. He will like that very much.