Can he change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Can he change?
2
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 5:46pm

**I'm not sure if I posted this correctly earlier so I'm trying again**

I am in need of some advice from people who do not personally know my situation. Please help with any advice or even your 2 cents! I'm completely open! Here is my story:

I dated this guy for over a year, we lived 2 hours away from one another but made it work and made it work really well for about a year. I had fallen completely in love with this guy and truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and he said the same. A year into our relationship he moved an hour closer. As soon as he moved things started to go downhill. There were new women hanging around and as you can imagine things got worse. There was one woman who lived in his new apartment complex that he was starting to spend a lot of time with. This eventually among other things (one huge fight) led to our break up. He started to see this woman from the apartment complex right after we ended. i can only imagine that he was cheating before we broke up. It's now been over a year since our breakup, I have healed and moved on. I am single but content with it at the moment.

Here comes the complication . . . I got a letter from him in December saying how sorry he was for ruining our relationship. How he will never get over me and that I will always be the one he let get away. Fine, it was good to hear but I wasn't going back to him. He has since kept trying to communicate and has now said that he wants me to give him a second chance and that he will spend the rest of his life trying to make things right. He now lives in NC and I'm in CO so for the beginning it would be long distance.

So here is my question, can he change? I have expressed all of my feelings to him and he is still willing to try.

HELP! What should I do?!?!? I don't want to be a fool again!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jamis25
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 7:42pm

Sure, it's possible that he's changed...but the problem is, you have no way of knowing that because there is NO WAY that you'll be able to see whether he's changed until he moves close to you and you can date and test the waters.

So this is a high, high risk situation for you. I think the best thing for you to do would be to let him know that if and when he decides to move back to CO for other reasons, you would consider dating him again but otherwise, it's just too risky for you.

Plus, has he gotten counseling or otherwise had some major life change? If not, then the chances that he's truly changed are pretty slim.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: jamis25
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 10:40pm

I don't know.

I mean, people CAN change for the better I suppose. And there is a possibility this guy really does realize that he made a big mistake and he wishes he could take it back.

However, I do think it's a highly risky situation for you. You know that phrase, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me," and all that. And on top of that, (in my way of thinking, if I were you) I would ask "if I wasn't good enough for you then, why am I suddenly good enough now?"

I don't know. I'd take a pass on his offers. It's just way too risky. Not to mention, at this point, he's too far away. Let this one be his bed that he made and let him lie in it.