Can i be too honest?
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| Tue, 12-14-2004 - 3:46pm |
this is sparked by another of my post. i've always been a very open communicator. I tell people (friends, family) and including people i date how i feel, what i want etc, even early on in relationships. i just don't like bottling things up and i have this way of just blurting out exactly how i feel. Also, i hate having to lie because i'm not disclosing something or pretending nothing's bothering me.
the context is that it came up in conversation with this guy i've been seeing that i am planning to see someone else at the same time which would be okay because the relationship was not exclusive.
am i too open? should i hold back (not that i can)? is there a grey area between total honesty and playing games? I just wonder if communicating openly can be a wrong move.
db

Yes, there is such a thing as being too honest, IMO...you have to temper honesty with tact.
I think being honest and direct is a wonderful thing, but not if it is something that is hurtful to the other person. I don't think telling all in the name of "honesty" should permit us to say things that are hurtful to the other person.
In the circumstance you describe, I think your so-called "honesty" was unnecessary and potentially hurtful, because you didn't have any agreement to be exclusive. It's one thing to go out and date other people, it's quite another to rub the other person's face in it.
Sheri
There's nothing wrong with communicating openly and honestly. However, if you tell everything that you feel, want, expect, desire, require, do, and intend...what you're screaming is "I'm a gaping wound, stop the flow"......because obviously you wouldn't be stating what you're doing about everything and what you think and feel about everything if you weren't expecting a "response"...that is anticipated to meet your needs, stop you, encourage or enable you.
Nobody that is self-aware, self-responsible, self-accepting, goal focused, successful and secure is always "stating what they're thinking/feeling/doing/going to do". There is no need for that. They're not looking for approval, validation, confirmation, or elimination.
If you're always doing that with no "reason" other than "I want to spill my guts continuously" - you are looking for someone to give you direction, guidance, validation, or options.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com