Can I do it??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Can I do it??
12
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:29pm

Ok, this may seem odd or stupid to some of you who have been in this or a similar situation before….please bear with my ignorance…

I’ve met two guys who I like. Neither of them knows about the other…I haven’t known either of them long at all, but I feel like both of them have potential for a relationship. The problem is that I have never dated two men at the same time….consistently…as in two men I actually like. I don’t know how to do this. These guys are TOTALLY different.

Guy 1 is well-off, in the entertainment business, wants to take me to the nicest places, show me things I’ve never seen before. He’s a bit older than me (he’s 35, I’m 28). I’m just a regular girl, 9 to 5 worker, grad student, independent, and I’ve never met anyone like him. This is exciting; however, he is coming on a bit strongly in that he’s asking me to give him the opportunity to be my man. This guy has strong faith in God and feels like God placed me in his path and that we were meant to meet. I’ve told him that I don’t move that fast. He says that he doesn’t believe in societal rules which dictate how fast relationships should progress. This concerns me a bit because I wonder why he feels like this so soon. Are there people out there who can meet someone and feel so strongly so quickly or could it just be game he playing?

Guy 2 is similar to the kind of guy I’m used to and we have more in common. He’s young, just two years older than I am, hard-working, “regular” guy who wants to get to know me and show me a good time. He’s not talking about “tomorrow” or our future. He has said that he thinks we’d be good together, but not nearly as aggressively as Guy 1. Guy 2 and I have much in common, including our upbringing, interests, etc. We communicate very well. One thing about Guy 2: last weekend, he planned to see me, but I didn’t hear from him all day. His reason: his phone died. That kind of turned me off. Should I be turned off by that? Did he not have another phone?

What do y’all think? Are both these guys worth dating? I’ve only known them for a few weeks and I’m no where near making a decision about either of them. Does Guy 1 seem too good to be true or just a bit off? Can’t I just date them both and see what happens?




Edited 8/29/2007 1:32 pm ET by rivegauche79

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:37pm

Why not? So long as you're not sleeping with either of them, or saying you're exclusive when you're not, I don't see what the problem is. Time will tell with both guys. I think ideally it's good to date someone at least 2-3 months (and a minimum of 12-15 dates) before committing to exclusivity (or having sex) so you can really get to know the person.

I do think guy #1 could be feeding you a line--but who knows, he may really believe what he's saying. You can tell him that's all well and good for HIM, but you need to take some time getting to know him before you take things to the next level. If he balks at that, then you'll know the two of you are not a good match.

As for guy #2, if that was the first time he flaked, I'd give him another shot--but just one. If he flakes again, that would be it for me (I can't abide flakiness). But many people these days don't have more than a cell phone, and if your number was in his, how would he have been able to get in touch, even if he did have another phone to use?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:45pm

Hi.
Thanks for the advice...it makes a lot of sense. As long as Guy 1 respects that I want to move slowly, then I'm good. If he doesn't, he's clearly not a match for me. Also, I don't think that Guy 2 intentionally blew me off...I'll look out, though, for other signs of flakiness. Like you, I can't stand flakes either!!

Thanks again!
Rive

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 5:22pm
You can date either or neither...personally I dont like either one. I liked #2 until he didn't call you because he can go to any pay phone anywhere and call you. #1 seems like he his lines rattle off his tongue with ease. But, this is based solely on what you posted and there could be other factors involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 5:28pm

Makes sense...
I'm not sure what other factors there are. I'm trying not to overthink it so much, as I tend to do. I do think that the one who didn't call me all day and said his phone died is still nagging a bit. His phone surely wasn't dead ALL DAY! However, I don't know that so I can't assume. I'm also thinking that the other guy is the kind who is very pushy and won't take no for an answer. I have a date with him tonight, so we'll see how it goes....I will emphasize that I won't move fast with him. If he accepts that, great. If not, then he's going to be kicked to the curb!!

Time will tell with both of them, right??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 12:08pm

Time will definitely tell you what you need to know. I agree, that #2 could have still contacted you. If he wasn't home overnight and never got to charge the phone, I can see why his phone would be dead. But, there are phones everywhere for him to use. So there is no excuse. Almost like he wouldn't go the extra mile for you. That's what his behavior communicates to me.

#1 is pushy and that is okay to some extent. To have that 100% of the time is a little taxing on one's soul. I just dont like guys who use lines instead of sincerity to get what they want. You can be appropriately assertive, achieve your goals, and still be genuine. It can be done, but some people try to find the shortest way from point a to point b, genuine or not.

When I mentioned other factors, I was more alluding to the fact that I, of course, was not present to see how they spoke to you, their body language, the other ways they have behaved around you. Sometimes missing info can change the way one sees things.

Have fun!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 12:21pm
What if her number was in his dead phone and he had no other way of getting it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 12:35pm

I was just about to post the same thing, Sheri! All of my phone numbers are in my cell phone, and I have very few memorized and none written down in another place.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 12:48pm

Exactly--I was thinking about it after I posted that, and I realized that I couldn't tell you my Mom's number or any of my closest friends'--I just don't have them memorized like I used to back when you had to actually dial someone, LOL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 8:52pm
I have not known anyone who organized their life like that. that includes dates, exhusbands and friends. Not that it couldn't happen, but it is disorganized. Any phone number that is important would be stored in more than one place by me, and I guess, the people I have known. Also, he could have seen if she was listed in a phone directory.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 11:55pm
Ok then!!!

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