Can I do it??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Can I do it??
12
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:29pm

Ok, this may seem odd or stupid to some of you who have been in this or a similar situation before….please bear with my ignorance…

I’ve met two guys who I like. Neither of them knows about the other…I haven’t known either of them long at all, but I feel like both of them have potential for a relationship. The problem is that I have never dated two men at the same time….consistently…as in two men I actually like. I don’t know how to do this. These guys are TOTALLY different.

Guy 1 is well-off, in the entertainment business, wants to take me to the nicest places, show me things I’ve never seen before. He’s a bit older than me (he’s 35, I’m 28). I’m just a regular girl, 9 to 5 worker, grad student, independent, and I’ve never met anyone like him. This is exciting; however, he is coming on a bit strongly in that he’s asking me to give him the opportunity to be my man. This guy has strong faith in God and feels like God placed me in his path and that we were meant to meet. I’ve told him that I don’t move that fast. He says that he doesn’t believe in societal rules which dictate how fast relationships should progress. This concerns me a bit because I wonder why he feels like this so soon. Are there people out there who can meet someone and feel so strongly so quickly or could it just be game he playing?

Guy 2 is similar to the kind of guy I’m used to and we have more in common. He’s young, just two years older than I am, hard-working, “regular” guy who wants to get to know me and show me a good time. He’s not talking about “tomorrow” or our future. He has said that he thinks we’d be good together, but not nearly as aggressively as Guy 1. Guy 2 and I have much in common, including our upbringing, interests, etc. We communicate very well. One thing about Guy 2: last weekend, he planned to see me, but I didn’t hear from him all day. His reason: his phone died. That kind of turned me off. Should I be turned off by that? Did he not have another phone?

What do y’all think? Are both these guys worth dating? I’ve only known them for a few weeks and I’m no where near making a decision about either of them. Does Guy 1 seem too good to be true or just a bit off? Can’t I just date them both and see what happens?




Edited 8/29/2007 1:32 pm ET by rivegauche79

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:09pm
It's early days - yes, you can date both and see what happens. Have fun.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:32pm

NOTE: You should consider dating two people at the same time IF AND ONLY IF you KNOW they'll be fine with it. Otherwise, you run a serious risk of hurting one or both of them when they find out (and they will). As for Guy 1, I'd be careful; my personal belief is that he's letting his emotions get the better of him. Not caring for "societal rules which dictate how fast relationships should progress" is a common argument as a means to control the pace of a relationship, and can even seem romantic to both involved, but it's beyond impractical. I don't mean to imply that he's trying to manipulate you - he's probably convinced his disbelief in those rules is well founded.

Guy 2 is more of a recipe of the stuff that strong relationships are made of. If he says his phone died and he feels bad about it, then it probably did die. Don't hold this against him; dumb things like this happen to all of us. If it happens more often, then you've got a problem (though not necessarily a serious one. I have a relative who is notorious for never even taking her phone with her, even on business trips). If he really wanted to see you, he was probably fretting about how to get a hold of you. Also, just because an idea occurred to you on how to be reached doesn't mean it occurred to him - which is a fact EVERY relationship needs to acknowledge:) - and shouldn't be held against him. Both men and women make what seem like the stupidest mistakes once they're interested in someone. Still, if a problem is showing up at all, it needs to be addressed, albeit politely and as a friend.

The comfort of common history or being spoiled can both be very nice, but the bottom line is that the one for you is the one you know you feel strongest about.

Good Luck!

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